ineke.co.uk

I loved the new Lion King. Watched it in a cinema packed full of family’s and children. I must apologies for audibly telling Scar to ‘f**k off’ at one point. I think I was a little pumped up.

— Jack Whitehall (@jackwhitehall) July 20, 2019

This guy is so drunk his costume looks like it’s carrying him. pic.twitter.com/Nt76ZQlom0

— Dumb Drunk People (@dumbdrunkpeople) July 20, 2019

After 30 minutes watching a film with my mum, we don't know what's going on but at least we know what other things the actors have been in

— Craig Deeley 🇪🇺🏳️‍🌈 (@craiguito) July 20, 2019

This is the perfect shirt for messy eaters pic.twitter.com/nxB26FRC2a

— The Independent (@Independent) July 21, 2019

They've deleted it. I'm still cry laughing. pic.twitter.com/ADQP1s037w

— Stop City Airport ✈ (@StopCityAirport) July 17, 2019

Katie Hopkins is an interesting case study in how being hateful can now be a career. Before she realised hating Muslims and refugees could be a money spinner, she hated working class people and obese people. Hate is her business model and brand identity. And it’s sadly versatile.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) July 20, 2019

New electric bikes for the police pic.twitter.com/dOaL1zMRn9

— Bob (@Bob_Animal) July 21, 2019

I’m scared of turning 40 because I don’t want one of those phone cases that opens like a book

— Rachael (@RachaelvsWorld) July 20, 2019

There's a rabbit on my bus. pic.twitter.com/ccPtRo3KdH

— Matt Hepburn (@MattHepburnClan) September 29, 2017

For any Americans wondering who Boris Johnson is, he's what would happen if you threw Donald Trump, a hay bale and a thesaurus into a washing machine and then it caught fire.

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) July 23, 2019

“Moron Boris Johnson”
Nicely done BBC News 😊 pic.twitter.com/YMo0V6qeLP

— 𝙲𝚛𝚘𝚠𝚋𝚢 (@iCrowby) July 23, 2019

Lost something @10DowningStreet? pic.twitter.com/IkDcf3tcqN

— Lib Dem Press Office (@LibDemPress) July 24, 2019

First mistake Boris Johnson made as PM- giving a speech in front of a solid blue background. pic.twitter.com/bkb0UqmEK6

— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) July 23, 2019

"My biggest single worry perhaps about Boris Johnson is that he seems to me to be a politician who's inhaled his own legend before he's created it" – political historian Lord Hennessy on the UK's Prime Minister-to-be, Boris Johnson#newsnight pic.twitter.com/53ICG5WN1F

— BBC Newsnight (@BBCNewsnight) July 23, 2019

Funny how Boris Johnson fans think calling me ‘mentally ill’ is going to be an insult. I literally wrote a book about having a breakdown.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) July 23, 2019

Boris Johnson becoming the Prime Minister, hottest temperatures in history and severe thunderstorms. There's no better metaphor for the UK entering the depths of Hell. #BorisJohnsonPM #SendHelp

— Prince Charles (@Charles_HRH) July 24, 2019

What’s everyone going to do for the hour later today when there’s no prime minister? Might steal some pick n mix

— Joey D'Urso (@josephmdurso) July 24, 2019

I’ve just seen my hero on the London-Paddington train. He is eating a whole Vienetta, with a metal spoon (obvious advanced preparation). Absolute legend. ❤️ pic.twitter.com/PVAjGzF1Mc

— Kiren Puri (@kirenpuri) July 21, 2019

Delighted to announce I have been appointed as Secretary of State for Reaching Things On High Shelves.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) July 24, 2019

State of the nation latest:
The man who didn’t realise we were separated from France by water is now Foreign Secretary.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 24, 2019

Our boss: It's hot.

Us: Yes.

Our boss: People are thirsty.

Us: Yes.

Our boss: This is the perfect time to advertise our drinks.

Us: Yes.

Our boss: Have you mentioned them yet?

Us: No.

Our boss: Why not?

Us: Yes.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 24, 2019

It's gettin' hot in here (so hot)
So take off all our clothes
Get some weird looks
Remember we're at work
Now HR want "a word"
We are gettin' so sacked because we took our clothes off#hottestdayoftheyear

— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 25, 2019

It might hit 39°C today but your mum still thinks you should take a jacket, just in case.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) July 25, 2019

#HEATWAVE2019

Our dog had no idea you had to buy ice cream, he was just another kid in line, waiting for a treat and suddenly this happened…🍦 pic.twitter.com/305ZL78y7A

— #RobinHood (@realrobinhood18) July 24, 2019

Having social anxiety is pretty cool because you want to be with other people but are also terrified of other people so feel guilty when you don't go out but feel awkward when you do go out and why is everything a nightmare.

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) July 25, 2019

Doors open in an hour.

Today is going to be HOT.

Fortunately, we sell hand fans.

They come in the form of sheets of paper glued or sewn together and bound in covers.

We have many thousands of them in stock, and as an added bonus they have stories printed on them.

— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) July 25, 2019

You’ve probably seen this in the news but today is set to be a record breaking day. I’m planning to set a world record for most loads of washing dried outside in Britain. Record is currently two, I’m going for FOUR. Wish me luck and a slight breeze.

— Jon Richardson (@RonJichardson) July 25, 2019

Johnson became PM with 92,000 votes. Boaty McBoatface got 124,000 votes & was overruled for being plainly a bloody stupid fucking decision. Just saying.

— Lucy Wainwright (@Whoozley) July 24, 2019

Dear Media,

We are in a climate emergency. Stop the jolly heatwave stories and the footage of kids in fountains.

This is a red alert.

Treat it like any other disaster. Talk about droughts and species extinction and the culpability of energy companies.

Yours,

Life on Earth

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) July 26, 2019

I've just discovered that if you touch-type 'Boris', you can quite easily mis-type as 'Virus.'

This has cheered me up no end.

— Martin Saunders 🤦🏻‍♂️ (@martinsaunders) July 26, 2019

BREAKING: Government insists UK is fully prepared for no deal Brexit, as travel network descends into chaos due to warm temperatures in July.

— The Poke (@ThePoke) July 26, 2019

Rees-Mogg has reportedly given staff a list of banned words. Britain just got a little greater. https://t.co/iCJP2JetWy pic.twitter.com/uMuIq5xa6k

— Tim Stanley (@timothy_stanley) July 26, 2019