Things in nature that just look fake.
Pictures that are metaphors for 2020.
Life with an overactive brain.
Things that cost more than the furlough scheme.
Relative rotation rates and axial tilts of (the only) mapped planets and dwarf planets, at 10hours/sec [OC] from dataisbeautiful
One of the advantages of the lockdown is that the mother is finally getting to the bottom of her giant chest freezer.
Behold: 25 year old puff pastry. pic.twitter.com/lyIArR7d0V
— Michael Patrick (@micktheejit) May 9, 2020
I saw this on reddit and I’ve watched it a minimum of 27 times and every single time it has only gotten better and exceeded my expectations pic.twitter.com/Y6xPMCtJ99
— Kels🖤 (@Keally22) May 5, 2019
Finally understood what zoom meetings remind me of. pic.twitter.com/Quca3up2mc
— Blossom Stefaniw (@BlossomStefaniw) May 12, 2020
People : Everyone taking pictures of their food is the worst modern trend.
Painters 500 years ago pic.twitter.com/5pVqCju7B0
— Internet Syok (@InternetSyok) December 23, 2019
There were 9 people at my dad's funeral.
We had to sit 2 metres apart.
We couldn't hug or comfort each other when we cried.
My grandad had to watch his first born son's funeral via a video link.
We weren't allowed to have a wake afterwards.https://t.co/mTfN7QBM8e— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 9, 2020
We don't talk enough about the fact that "WhatsApp" is a truly terrible pun.
— Chris Smith (@itschrissmith) May 9, 2020
I’m finally getting some decent results producing 100%-edible iridescent tempered chocolate. The colors are from the chocolate (not any ingredient or coating) diffracting light after being forcefully molded onto a diffraction grating in vacuum. pic.twitter.com/6wpbsIKh5C
— Samy Kamkar (@samykamkar) May 9, 2020
Eight weeks ago, @cat_nolan and I made a difficult decision for her and Francesca to move out due to the COVID risk I was bringing home.
My greatest fear at that time was missing Francesca’s first birthday 1/11 pic.twitter.com/FPKVQwsyxC— Rory Nolan (@RXNolan) May 9, 2020
Stay home, protect the NHS = I should stay at home to protect the NHS.
Stay alert, control the virus = I should… drink lots of coffee? Stay awake in case it breaks in? Somehow communicate to the microscopic virus particles that they shouldn’t approach me?
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) May 10, 2020
My eyes are tired from being alert already and Boris hasn’t even done his speech yet. 👀 #StayAlert
— Rob Beckett (@robbeckettcomic) May 10, 2020
Gave me shivers. What an ending. 5 stars. pic.twitter.com/Mp89fBLpTz
— Lotty Earns (@lottyburns) May 10, 2020
OK totally ridiculously minor comment. But as a numbers geek, I did find launching a discrete scale of 1 to 5, then immediately saying we're at a 3.5 frustrating. We could've done a 1 to 10 and said we're now at 7.
— Martin Lewis (@MartinSLewis) May 10, 2020
are you ok with this @NandosUK pic.twitter.com/Ad2bjYjrLl
— Rhys James (@rhysjamesy) May 10, 2020
Only in this country would so much feedback on a prime ministerial address be centered around a profound absence of garden centre content
— CARPET (@WHS_Carpet) May 10, 2020
So are we allowed to go to sleep tonight or not? #stayalert
— Shappi Khorsandi5667753324777 (@ShappiKhorsandi) May 10, 2020
70% of the world’s population don’t use toilet paper.
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 10, 2020
My timeline is full of people trying to work out what Boris Johnson announced and coming up with a wide range of answers. This is not good.
— Maeve Sherlock (@MaeveSherlock) May 10, 2020
So #BorisSpeech created a 5 stage COVID alert system, didn't tell us what 3 of the stages meant, and then put us in an unnamed position between 2 unnamed stages.
Crystal clear messaging as always. pic.twitter.com/hE5ra6D62N
— Gordon Crawford (@Gordon_HC) May 10, 2020
BREAKING: Confused dot com has biggest spike in website traffic in the history of the website
— Dave (@davechannel) May 11, 2020
The W1A cast’s commitment to keeping the show alive warms my soul pic.twitter.com/tVspKYCoYr
— Steven Perkins (@stevenperkins) May 11, 2020
GCSE maths questions in 2021 are going to be weird.
If Steve and Katy meet in a park on a Tuesday, and then Steve meets Darren in the park on Wednesday, washes his hands 23 times between and visits the mcdonalds drive thru 16 times how alert on a scale of 1-5 was he?
— Dave (@davechannel) May 12, 2020
85% of Brits like having something to complain about.
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 13, 2020
Now we’re all allowed to do unlimited exercise, we’ve developed an intense full body workout plan:
LEGS: Walk to the fridge
ARMS: Open fridge
NECK: Look around fridge
SIX PACK: Grab a six pack of something
ARMS: Close fridge
LEGS: Walk back to lounge
Perform 3 reps an hour
— innocent drinks (@innocent) May 13, 2020
Interesting having someone opposite Boris Johnson who's got a real eye for evidence and detail, what with those two things being Kryptonite to blusterers, narcissists and fantasists. https://t.co/AJXFRjD72b
— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) May 13, 2020
PMQ seems a more workable format without two hundred people making noises like farm animals.
— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) May 13, 2020
Week 1 of lockdown: "Must only order essentials to be delivered"
Week 9 of lockdown: "This £600 realistic Star Wars stormtrooper costume could be classified as essential"
— Dave (@davechannel) May 13, 2020
When does the jogging end… surely they must be getting close to declaring a winner
— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) May 13, 2020
“Could do!” – The most optimistic way of saying “no”
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) May 13, 2020
Washed my hands next to Emma Bunton. (pre COVID when we could still just wash our hands for fun) https://t.co/kZkfPy8nVt
— Danielle (@captainward) May 14, 2020
I understand nada about economics…. but can someone explain why, if EVERYWHERE will be in recession, we can’t make some new money to pump up every country’s economy?
Money is man made.— Dawn French (@Dawn_French) May 13, 2020
We could all use a good laugh! 😂 pic.twitter.com/DgqBctdQrZ
— People (@people) May 12, 2020
I know some people are fine with going out and about to supermarkets and stuff but some people aren’t and they shouldn’t be expected to do stuff they aren’t comfortable.
— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) May 14, 2020
We’ve got such a culture of never admitting you’re wrong/never being allowed to be wrong. ‘The Tesco guy said the Contactless limit was £25. But in a HUMILIATING U-TURN he later admitted it was thirty.’
— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) May 14, 2020
The name babybel suggests the existence of motherbels and daddybels and lockdown is going great thanks for asking
— Dave (@davechannel) May 15, 2020
Very interesting early data on lockdowns and suicide.
Japanese suicide rate declined by twenty per cent in April. The high pressures of school and excessive work hours eased during lockdown.
Biggest drop in 5 years. https://t.co/ds5YfblRcb
— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) May 15, 2020
Knowin there is a banana in my desk drawer in work, which has been there since a week before lockdown is makin me feel anxious.
— MLB (@mlcoolj2) May 12, 2020
Lucozade is trending, so I’d just like to say that I still absolutely stand by the fact that you can roughly determine the age of someone by whether they see Lucozade as a sport energy drink or something their mum let them have as a kid when they were poorly.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 15, 2020
Both Canada and Denmark claim Hans Island. Periodically, each country will send an expedition, replace the other country's flag with their own, and leave a bottle of alcohol for the next visitors. (Canada favors Canadian Club, Denmark schnapps; photo by Toubletap.) pic.twitter.com/gmwiZR7LWy
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 15, 2020
It’s almost as if we’ve all been focussed on something else… pic.twitter.com/nHujtGMVBF
— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) May 15, 2020
When you hate freedom of movement for remainers so much you start rooting for a deadly disease pic.twitter.com/F1oW6C1wpi
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 15, 2020
Also quite an odd Brexit stance to see staying in Britain as a punishment too.
— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) May 15, 2020
https://t.co/qo53Qkndbg pic.twitter.com/QeMVIE6idw
— Southampton FC (@SouthamptonFC) May 15, 2020
Sit down, Taxpayer’s Alliance, I’m afraid I have some fairly big news. https://t.co/p8fjJz088Y
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) May 15, 2020
From schoolteacher friend. pic.twitter.com/iswdGrVtwa
— Trisha Greenhalgh 😷 (@trishgreenhalgh) May 12, 2020
Fun German fact of the day!
GN8 is text-speak for Gute Nacht!
8 = acht— Evan Edinger (@EvanEdinger) May 15, 2020
There's never been an easier time to go to church.
My piece for the @thetimes today. pic.twitter.com/IGI8eFlE6n— krish kandiah (@krishk) May 9, 2020
A new low: Pulling a prank on essential workers in the middle of a global pandemic. And making essential workers clean up your mess. Despicable. https://t.co/hMu8g5cJY9
— MTA. Stay Home. Stop the Spread. (@MTA) May 13, 2020
Cats: rubbish at sharing https://t.co/sJYDzguB1L
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) May 15, 2020
REST OF WORLD: SATURDAY
EUROPE AND AUSTRALIA: pic.twitter.com/Tgz3Dku91B
— BBC Eurovision🇬🇧 (@bbceurovision) May 16, 2020
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View this post on InstagramGood morning to this boy and @arthurthefloof only. 🐾
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View this post on InstagramBAHAHAHA @goldsandsmusic now why does this make me want to play wii… LOL
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View this post on InstagramMax & the Dandelions? Not even a hint of a chuckle.
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View this post on InstagramHere’s a poem which contains a subtext of how much I dislike the Daily Mail.
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View this post on Instagramhappy anniversary to Jake and Amy and Monica and Chandler 🥂
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View this post on InstagramCHECK IT OUT! This Bank Holiday weekend is going to be unmissable 🤩
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View this post on InstagramIMPORTANT frog news to carry you into the weekend. Have a hoppy one, everybody 🐸🐸🐸
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Anything to add...?