ineke.co.uk

Why, in the name of all things holy, would you do this??? https://t.co/CNoDfrWQwe

— Simon McCoy (@BBCSimonMcCoy) July 15, 2020

The percontation mark ⸮, sometimes called the 'irony mark', was a 16th-century suggestion for indicating a rhetorical question.

Who knew⸮
Could we have messed this up any more⸮

etc.

— Susie Dent (@susie_dent) July 18, 2020

A socially-distanced rehearsal day. Filming starts tomorrow! pic.twitter.com/3GPgcAosjM

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) July 19, 2020

106 new shows, which should be with you from September. Not having a studio audience has really paid off.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) July 19, 2020

My 9 year old son calls a pain au chocolate a chocolate sausage roll & I don't think I've ever heard anything so perfect

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) July 20, 2020

No body shape is worth giving up bread for

— Shaparak Khorsandi (@ShappiKhorsandi) July 19, 2020

Two players once split the Irish Lottery jackpot having both picked numbers using the birth, ordination and death dates of the same priest

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 20, 2020

Earlier this week, our official photographer captured the Speaker being introduced to Explosives Detection Dog Poppy, who was awarded a ‘canine OBE’ for her heroism during the 2017 terror attack on Borough Market 📷Contact us for the full set 📩 pic.twitter.com/bnOnc4u6uC

— Commons Press Office (@HoCPress) July 19, 2020

I don't love this meme but the point is too important to miss. https://t.co/S6UjkMaVQe

— Martin Saunders 🤦🏻‍♂️ (@martinsaunders) July 21, 2020

Why is it that whenever anyone asks how my weekend was my brain immediately empties of anything I did over the last 48 hours?

— Joe Henegan (@Joe_Henegan) July 21, 2020

Classic Polaroid cameras have no batteries. Instead, each cartridge has a tiny one with just enough power to take the required number of photos.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 21, 2020

European bison ‘vote’ on where they’d like to go. They individually face a certain direction, once the majority is facing the same way, that’s the direction the herd moves off in. pic.twitter.com/SySSMiW72E

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 21, 2020

How to ruin a Brit’s lunch:

“Just popping out for lunch”
“I’ll join you”

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) July 22, 2020

Why isn't there an app with a real-time map of where ice cream vans are

— Holly Brockwell (@holly) July 22, 2020

A lesson in comedy. Here’s a poorly delivered and predictable pre-written joke. That makes you think about the masses on Bournemouth beach due to his own poor governing.
Laugh o’meter 4/10#PMQs #politicslive pic.twitter.com/bT6kOXV1pW

— Mark Conway (@MarkConway87) July 22, 2020

Boris Johnson getting booed 😂😂😂😂😂

Couldn’t happen to a nicer man 😂😂😂#BorisFarewellTour

pic.twitter.com/N6NBvLylXb

— Jamie “The Controversial One” Holmes (@JamiePrestigio1) July 23, 2020

“So, do they send you stuff to do in the mail?”

– My 100 year old grandmother trying to understand how I work from home

— Jacki (@jaxwax04) July 22, 2020

Scotland being dragged into a No Deal catastrofuck against its will.

Covid deaths last week:
England: 444
Scotland: 1

But good luck, Boris Johnson, on your trip to preach the benefits of the Union.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 23, 2020

I can't wait to live in precedented times again.

— Sonja Hutson (@SonjaHutson) July 22, 2020

Being bilingual. https://t.co/aFLl4KhYgW

— Gennette Cordova (@GNCordova) July 22, 2020

Utterly prosaic PSA:

Since lockdown, the four things I've posted second class all arrived the next day anyway. Save your pennies, folks. Don't go splashing out for that unnecessary first class premium.

— Aaron. Woman. Man. Camera. TV. (@AaronBoardley) July 23, 2020

What is a type of technology that has definitely got worse over time? I'll start: trains.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) July 23, 2020

One of the things I've liked about this year is that I have felt on a level playing field with the extroverts. I haven't had to worry I am not out there at fancy events schmoozing because they aren't going on. The cure for fear of missing out is for there nothing to miss out on.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) July 24, 2020

45,000 deaths and he's out here doing victory laps https://t.co/bTDw9wsh83

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 24, 2020

It should contain the title of the novel it closes e.g. "And to think, it all happened right here in Middlemarch." pic.twitter.com/YHghUflVk4

— Andy Miller (@i_am_mill_i_am) July 24, 2020

Got a good feeling about this Fife salon pic.twitter.com/q1n2lCWwbg

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 25, 2020

Why does this nonsense anger me? Because there are a million good reasons to attack Boris Johnson and this utter fruitcakeism undermines it. Step away from the tinfoil. pic.twitter.com/IVyjP1y3AZ

— Otto English (@Otto_English) July 19, 2020

"they faked the Boris baby" is an amazing new conspiracy theory given the fact that the man has like four or seven or 30 children already https://t.co/GS5smG24yS

— John B (@johnb78) July 19, 2020

How I used to begin work emails: Hi!

How I begin work emails now: pic.twitter.com/XaDAyNWHQ1

— Hannah Long (@HannahGraceLong) April 22, 2020

The thing I will miss most about the Olympics this year is idly turning on a sport I’ve never seen before, and ten minutes later muttering ‘my god she’s going to need more than a 4.7 if she wants to wrestle her title back from the Hungarian’

— Tessa Coates (@TessaCoates) July 25, 2020

This still makes me smile. pic.twitter.com/7HCObYZBvY

— Susie Dent (@susie_dent) July 25, 2020

I really need to stop reading Jane Austin. It gets in your head and you quickly start to talk in an Austinesque style.

Leo: Do you want a coffee?

Me: Thank you, that would be delightful. How very amiable of you to suggest it!

Leo: Biscuits?

Me: A prudent choice indeed!

STOP

— Jayne Manfredi (@TheWomanfredi) July 25, 2020

I have a sea-side joke but it hasn't been pier reviewed. https://t.co/yBz2UjRkN4

— Paul Barber (@paulbarber3) July 24, 2020

Should have been the Olympic Opening Ceremony today. I used my notes anyway. pic.twitter.com/zjsTK3Armp

— Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) July 24, 2020