ineke.co.uk

Can’t remember who said it, but it’s claimed the invention of the car brought on the single biggest change to which church a Christian would attend.

— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) July 25, 2020

In real life, you meet people in the flesh and look for reasons you like them. Online you immediately look for reasons NOT to. I just swiped someone away for coming from Camberley.

— Shaparak Khorsandi (@ShappiKhorsandi) July 25, 2020

Check it out:
A woolly jumper pic.twitter.com/NwhewmB1id

— Disappointed Optimist (@disappoptimism) July 25, 2020

RIP Regis Philbin, who gave us one of the greatest moments in television history pic.twitter.com/5OVewyEOHR

— Tom Hourigan (@TomHourigan) July 25, 2020

We have a joke about questions authors rather wouldn't get asked at panel events, though it's not so much a joke as a comment.

— Waterstones Swansea (@swanseastones) July 25, 2020

Can't believe I've just been kicked out of @Tesco for not wearing a #facemask pic.twitter.com/mVVKp93Hf4

— Sheps (@Sheppyuk) July 25, 2020

How does being an introvert and having kids work? Or is that not a thing

— Shani Akilah ✨ (@_shaniakilah) July 26, 2020

Cool. https://t.co/aKK4n2FxZw

— Southampton FC (@SouthamptonFC) July 26, 2020

The namers of this neighbourhood in Porters Lake, Nova Scotia appear to have run out of ideas. pic.twitter.com/1u59LoUUEF

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) July 26, 2020

People who proudly refuse to wear masks in shops are basically saying that people who work in shops all day – and are therefore exposed to the public all day – are beneath them.
Imagine being that kind of person.

— Ian Hyland (@HylandIan) July 26, 2020

Ed Sheeran listing the things he struggles to do in moderation had me nodding along until….!

"sugar, sweet stuff, junk food, cocaine," pic.twitter.com/JtpQHcLaHu

— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) July 27, 2020

No judgement on those who have walked that path, by the way. But it did make me think of another brilliant GIF… pic.twitter.com/hf3oWnlqXA

— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) July 27, 2020

A rollercoaster in three tweets https://t.co/iUBYqqaDrT

— Grace (@Eyeof_theTigers) July 27, 2020

Ann Widdecombe wants a designated shopping hour for anti-maskers. If successful, she'll ask for "no-wash Wednesdays" and "Lick a Covid patient" parties every other weekend.

— The Poke (@ThePoke) July 28, 2020

In the 2001 Royal Rumble, Kane wore a mask for 54 minutes and eliminated 11 people.

You can wear one to Aldi. pic.twitter.com/3TbKYwk4Ur

— Sam Jones (@SamJonesMCR) July 14, 2020

Ahem….Not strictly true dear bro. I joined 10 minutes late and stayed for about 25 minutes but as they say in Journalism ‘Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.’ https://t.co/3C41w48ykU

— Tim Vine (@RealTimVine) July 29, 2020

Ah but mum said …

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) July 29, 2020

@JoelleMonique @dj_danl
Something for the listeners to play 😊 Keep up the good work, we love ya for it! pic.twitter.com/JRgvB9C9kI

— Mobeen Altaf (@Brown_Bear_Mobe) July 11, 2020

No more Argos catalogue?!?! 2020, is there no end to the horror you cause? #argos

— G (@G_Man07) July 30, 2020

"At its height it was Europe’s most widely printed publication, a book found in three-quarters of British homes, a work only beaten by the Bible for its sheer ubiquity."

After 47 years, the Argos catalogue will be online only https://t.co/SARR1RVhQr

— Jim Edwards (@Jim_Edwards) July 30, 2020

"Argos to stop printing catalogue after almost 50 years"

Trees are breathing a little easier today. (Argos used to print over 3 million copies of its gigantic catalogue.) https://t.co/Es1nYIunGx

— Edwin Hayward 🦄 🗡 (@uk_domain_names) July 30, 2020

i will miss the argos catalogue, a truly great literary work, a story structured from garden furniture to watches to furniture to electronics to toys, representing a descent from old age to childhood like a reverse Bildungsroman if you will

— joe (@mutablejoe) July 30, 2020

Crosses “delay the election” off my fascist bingo card. https://t.co/oO2wr4nfr5

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 30, 2020

Truman Show moment. Just looked up from the kitchen table to the bird feeder outside and a bird was looking directly at me. It seemed caught out and went back to feeding – but in my opinion it was over-acting. Very suspicious.

— Adrian Edmondson (@AdrianEdmondson) July 30, 2020

I wonder will foam parties come back but replaced with hand sanitiser?

— Aisling Bea (@WeeMissBea) July 31, 2020

Matt Hancock yesterday: a second wave is “rolling across Europe”.

Chris Whitty today: “I don’t think it’s sensible to think of this as a second wave that’s somehow travelling around the world.”

— Josh Halliday (@JoshHalliday) July 31, 2020

id much rather chris whitty and sir pat did the briefings on their own and boris just stayed alert at home singing hands, face, space and toes to his giant baby

— SAMMY ❂ (@handlesandal) July 31, 2020

May 2020:
Hancock:
“Our app will be up and running by mid-May”

Johnson:
“We’ll have a world-beating track and trace system by 1 June”

July 2020:
“Hands, face, space, something… I dunno… you’re on your own”
pic.twitter.com/DSDyMpmWEY

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 31, 2020

A shower at sunset, at just the right time, in just the right spot…and after a near record breaking hot day! Consider this a “one in a million chance” you’ll never forget for as long as you live. https://t.co/H24gjMzXJQ

— Tomasz Schafernaker (@Schafernaker) July 31, 2020

What's the next best thing to winning a trophy of Greg Davies' glorious golden bonce? Well it's probably taking home a @BAFTA TV Award!

This is a victory for pineapple lovers, caravan enthusiasts and banana camouflagers everywhere.

Thanks to everyone who made this possible! https://t.co/w8dEJeXM4z

— Taskmaster (@taskmaster) July 31, 2020

The hump.. I got it. https://t.co/4rFVReDfcZ

— Simon McCoy (@BBCSimonMcCoy) July 27, 2020

This is Baloo. He is very serious. Not sure why you’re laughing. His seriousness is not a laughing matter. 14/10 pic.twitter.com/9PJItT9KEO

— WeRateDogs® (@dog_rates) July 28, 2020

Only in America would Tik-Tok be banned before semi-automatic rifles

— PJ Chukwurah (@Chukey_D) August 1, 2020

i tested positive for COVID-19. Some thoughts. pic.twitter.com/PqEDXhUBUj

— Jamie Tworkowski (@jamietworkowski) July 31, 2020