ineke.co.uk

If you see your neighbors having a big party, and you have a printer at home, just cancel it for them. pic.twitter.com/Fz2caGLjV2

— Danielle Baskin (@djbaskin) October 17, 2020

I have a theory that while in former times people saw themselves as having spiritual (infinite) value, we increasing have replaced that with numerical (finite) metrics of worth. Income, weight, step counts, ratings, follower counts, friend counts. We turn our worth into currency.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) October 16, 2020

Woke up to these parcels this morning. My husband has bought me every Booker prize winning book for the last 50 years from @Waterstones Which is your favourite? Which should I read first? I’m going to be here a while! 😊#BookerPrize #winner #selfcaresaturday #coffeeandbooks pic.twitter.com/AntogeeX90

— Suzanne Horton (@suzannehorton11) October 17, 2020

To be fair she does looks like a chicken https://t.co/hhoF3yltEV

— Paul (@bingowings14) October 16, 2020

#recap There are 16 circles in this image and it’ll properly mess with your brain (it’s called the ‘Coffer Illusion’)https://t.co/DIzlIlt8qj pic.twitter.com/hHfkAP5foY

— The Poke (@ThePoke) October 17, 2020

As a boy, Roald Dahl taste-tested new chocolate bars for Cadbury's

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) October 18, 2020

Your regular reminder that a corgi crossed with any other breed just ends up looking like a corgi disguised as the other dog.

Dalmatian pic.twitter.com/rztl7RyCT8

— badly-drawn BOO!👻 (@soapachu) October 17, 2020

Churches are not museums that display perfect people. They are hospitals where the wounded, hurt, injured and broken find healing.

— Nicky Gumbel (@nickygumbel) October 18, 2020

UK deaths: 43,429
New Zealand deaths: 25 https://t.co/op1LoJ85th

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 17, 2020

New Zealand has been declared Covid Free. Just 25 people have died. Jacinda Ardern has won a landslide victory on a popular progressive platform…..

If only the UK could have a disaster like this. https://t.co/kGG9lUvFZ2

— Otto English (@Otto_English) October 17, 2020

A herb comes from the leaf of a plant, while spices come from any part of the plant BUT the leaves. pic.twitter.com/2thMJ5yVf9

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) October 18, 2020

Right wingers: The spirit of the blitz will see us through a no deal Brexit.
We're made of sterner stuff

Also right wingers: I have to wear a piece of cloth on my face while I buy quinoa from Waitrose!
This is outrageous!!!!

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) October 18, 2020

I’m having my kidney operation done by Ian Botham because he’s NOT a surgeon https://t.co/Y9GA7ZGPug

— Rick Burin (@rickburin) October 18, 2020

Lord, in your mercy, hear our prayer. https://t.co/Uf0zWMB0X5

— Jeff Chu 朱天慧 (@jeffchu) October 17, 2020

Where can I get one of these for Christmas? They're hilarious. pic.twitter.com/MuBNtSUNWO

— cluedont (@cluedont) October 18, 2020

Donald Trump dancing to the Thomas the Tank Engine theme tune.
[sound up] pic.twitter.com/MRPinO0CmT

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) October 18, 2020

Just hit me that there’s whole generations now who haven’t got a clue what the expression “Give me 3 rings” means.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) October 17, 2020

Wow! Way to feel ancient. I suppose they wouldn't know about always having an emergency 10p coin either.

— 🎃⚔️Bloody Maya the BeeHeader⚔️🎃 (@Spriggley) October 17, 2020

Whoever did this Daily Star front page, take the rest of the week offhttps://t.co/Pm9K4AIWAv pic.twitter.com/Pc7llCWM5o

— The Poke (@ThePoke) October 18, 2020

Pregnant dog x-ray.. pic.twitter.com/CrXb8RNQI8

— Land of cuteness (@landpsychology) October 17, 2020

Somebody zoom me! I finally have a bookcase I can use as a background 🌈 pic.twitter.com/UQ1ZAjUGf8

— Swapna Haddow (@SwapnaHaddow) October 18, 2020

Well this is… bittersweet. My Latest kids science book has made the charts (“Is There Anybody Out There” out now!) but, in a blow against Science, it has been deemed “Fiction”. pic.twitter.com/JLTS9MUMMw

— Dara Ó Briain (@daraobriain) October 18, 2020

"Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up." (Luke 18 v 1)

Enjoy MOTD2, Hammers fans… https://t.co/KVcbWVdftA

— Martin Saunders 🤦🏻‍♂️ (@martinsaunders) October 18, 2020

AUTUMN IN YOUR HEAD:

🍂🍁🎃☕️🧣

AUTUMN IN REALITY:

☔️💨☔️💨☔️💨☔️💨

— innocent drinks (@innocent) October 19, 2020

If someone living in Cornwall dies without a will or family, Prince Charles inherits their estate.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) October 18, 2020

Snoozing your alarm clock just makes you less alert when you get up.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) October 19, 2020

I don’t really have the words for this one – so I’m just going to leave it here. With love, always. @CBeebiesHQ pic.twitter.com/fp0YP7rwqR

— Ben Cajee (@ben_cajee) October 19, 2020

All in it together pic.twitter.com/ZpubTB2yqH

— James Doleman (@jamesdoleman) October 13, 2020

You can certainly ask whether Archbishops of York should automatically receive a life peerage on retirement but it really does not look good that the first one who doesn't is the first black one

— James Walters (@LSEChaplain) October 18, 2020

This is my reaction every day watching the news 😂 @theresa_may despite our very different politics you are rocking it 👏👏👏 https://t.co/DrflbmvhQ7

— Jane Campbell (@jcfamilylaw) October 19, 2020

I have to say, though I find Theresa May’s politics mostly repellant, full credit to her for being an ex-PM on the back benches. Not many have the grace and humility for that. And she’s being an excellent thorn in the side of the oleaginous gits in govt.

— Katy Brand (@KatyFBrand) October 19, 2020

NHS staff:
Can we have a proper pay rise?

Government:
Nah. We gave you some claps.

NHS staff:
A functional test & trace then?

Government:
Dream on! Ooh, I know… https://t.co/sV842ojr1n

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) October 19, 2020

How it started How it's going pic.twitter.com/eCLCMeduTM

— Bobo N1 (@MooBozo) October 19, 2020

This might be the year… pic.twitter.com/v0Hv13TZXS

— Rachel is Bookbound (@bookbound2019) October 18, 2020

Stop saying you want America to be run on Christian values if you don’t want your tax dollars going to help the poor.

– Jimmy Carter

— 𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖 𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 (@Sundae_Gurl) October 18, 2020

Since the average global life expectancy of a person is 26,298 days, if you met one person every day of your life you still couldn’t meet as many people as currently live in Billericay.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) October 19, 2020

Boris Johnson 2016: Negotiations are easy, our negotiations with the EU will be fine

Boris Johnson 2020: Not only did the negotiations with the EU not go well we have somehow also lost negotiations with Manchester

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) October 20, 2020

Tears aren’t banned in the New Creation. They’re wiped away.

— Ollie Lansdowne 🚡 (@OllieLansdowne) October 20, 2020

Hello Helen,
I wonder if you researched Isambard Kingdom Brunel before tweeting?
Brunel's father was a French engineer and migrant.
Brunel spoke fluent French, was educated at the Lycée Henri-IV in Paris and served his apprenticeship under Abraham-Louis Breguet in France. pic.twitter.com/4XUW8G2ey8

— Snigdha 👻🎃🕸️ (@snigskitchen) October 19, 2020

Pretend you’re starring in an American TV show or film by calling someone to invite them to dinner then, when they say yes to the invitation, hanging up on them before actually arranging a time, date or venue for the dinner date.

— The Poke (@ThePoke) October 20, 2020

Are they not eating the cages? ARE THEY NOT EATING THE CAGES? All that work, all that stress, and they're not eating the cages?

EAT THE CAGE PAUL. EAT THE CAGE.#GBBO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) October 20, 2020

The Bake Off / Naked Attraction crossover Matt & Mark were talking about should definitely be called Baked Attraction. #GBBO

— innocent drinks (@innocent) October 20, 2020

Typical. The week after I publish a book about the body. https://t.co/In9BvyLI1R

— Adam Kay (@amateuradam) October 20, 2020

I see your 'Jesus never condemned X' theological position, and raise you John 21:25.

— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) October 21, 2020

The Radio 1 Breakfast Show is the “best radio show ever” according to a new study by the man that presents it https://t.co/DOfgYJeWc7

— Greg James (@gregjames) October 21, 2020

Elle Woods is back! Legally Blonde 3 coming May 2022. We rest our case. #LegallyBlonde3 #ElleWoods @ReeseW pic.twitter.com/WnxI1YEfqD

— MGM Studios (@MGM_Studios) October 20, 2020

Santa is a key worker said @NicolaSturgeon and will deliver presents as normal on Christmas Eve

— Alexandra Mackenzie (@MackenzieAl) October 22, 2020

The Icelandic equivalent of ‘the cherry on top’ is ‘rúsínan í pylsuendanum’ — ‘the raisin at the end of the sausage’.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) October 22, 2020

Taking a hot bath for an hour burns as many calories as going for a half-hour walk.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) October 15, 2020

Love this clip. Dad was told to distract Buddy while they waited for Sammy to arrive and this happened. It was live television and completely improvised. https://t.co/KZELKj0Qkn

— Ben Castle (@thebencastle) October 19, 2020

We surprised Look North presenter Harry Gration on his last day with a chat from his 'old pal' Sir Michael Parkinson.

Watch this heartwarming conversation between two dear friends about @GrationHarry's career at the BBC. pic.twitter.com/1bS604Qve3

— BBC Yorkshire (@BBCLookNorth) October 21, 2020

Exactly 9 months ago, just after 5am UK time on the 12 January, the first BBC TV report ran about the death of a man in central China from a peculiar new disease. Officials insisted it was all under control and would be nothing like the 2008 SARS outbreak which killed 770 people. pic.twitter.com/NpueEGwvqN

— Rich Preston (@RichPreston) October 12, 2020

I refuse to believe @JamieLaing_UK and @RobbieRinder aren’t the same person. pic.twitter.com/a4nACFXbVn

— James Phelan 🎃 (@phelanmagician) October 19, 2020

Late to this but oh god it might be my favourite pandemic related meme – and let's be honest, there've been a few. Credit: Allie Dwyer on Facebook pic.twitter.com/MLyBEvhwqe

— Pandora Sykes (@PINsykes) October 19, 2020

Tell me this is a parody. Please. https://t.co/pMWcxOub7p

— Howard Walker (@1HowardWalker) October 23, 2020

And yeah I know some companies are only doing it for good PR but frankly I don’t care. If vulnerable, poor kids are not going hungry, they can have all the good PR they want.

— Howard Walker (@1HowardWalker) October 23, 2020

If you did a Venn diagram of the people who say we shouldn’t give money to overseas aid because we should look after people in the UK & the people who say the poor in the UK should feed themselves, it would be a perfect circle.

— Howard Walker (@1HowardWalker) October 21, 2020

Not sure about you guys but I'm starting to think the government that says nurses don't deserve pay rises and that children should starve may not have the nation's best interests in mind.

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) October 22, 2020