ineke.co.uk

He’s not having a great day. First he loses the election, then his phone gets stuck in caps lock.

— Dave Gorman (@DaveGorman) November 7, 2020

So no one went with “It’s Joe Bye-Don” https://t.co/HTMu0QP3lH

— Paul Kerensa (@paulkerensa) November 8, 2020

You are free to share your opinions on my feed. You’re not entitled to your own facts. You spread garbage, I block you. We cool?

— Josh Gad (@joshgad) November 8, 2020

Google searches for "liquor store near me" reached an all-time high on US election night.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 8, 2020

Always. There’s always a tweet. https://t.co/40F3oNagSi

— Stephen Mangan (@StephenMangan) November 7, 2020

The place the Trump presidency effectively ended was not at the White House or at some New York hotel

But in the scruffy back car lot of a landscaping business, next to an adult video store and opposite a crematorium pic.twitter.com/aeSmOEMR8y

— david allen green (@davidallengreen) November 8, 2020

Rudy Giuliani accidentally booking Four Seasons Total Landscaping for a press conference instead of the Four Seasons Hotel may be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. pic.twitter.com/TRuSOK384v

— Hamish Mitchell (@H_MitchellPhoto) November 8, 2020

this was the first time i heard this song in 2020 and it was absolutely the best possible occasion 🎁 pic.twitter.com/Fb5fd2cDCH

— adri ♛ (@adriofwands) November 8, 2020

The future’s bright.
The future’s not orange.

— Paul Kerensa (@paulkerensa) November 8, 2020

It’s absolutely KILLING him that someone else is getting praised – and getting praised for beating him too. ‘But look!!’ he’s saying, ‘Look at what I did! Look at what I did that was so good! Did you see what I did? Look at me! Look at what I did! Look at me!!!!’ https://t.co/jo9fyDiE53

— Stephen Mangan (@StephenMangan) November 7, 2020

Here is your response to every Republican ranting about the results. https://t.co/N50wmTl4Tl

— Michael Marshall Smith (@ememess) November 8, 2020

US unemployment skyrockets as White House lays off all 46 Melanias.

— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) November 9, 2020

What it means to be British?… pic.twitter.com/mtIXEQmSyB

— Lord Ashcroft (@LordAshcroft) November 9, 2020

Overheard a mum at school: ‘I won’t get a vaccine; I think scientists mess about too much.’ Then back into her car which she presumably found growing in a field. I’m tired.

— Mark Watson, author of Contacts, a novel which… (@watsoncomedian) November 12, 2020

For the billionth time, when every tweet has to have a disclaimer because it’s a flat out lie, SUSPEND HIS ACCOUNT @Jack @twitter.

To not do so is irresponsible.

— Emma Kennedy (@EmmaKennedy) November 12, 2020

I’m always open to airer ideas. By the by…these days when I’m sad or upset I treat myself like I’m one of my kids. I give myself some chocolate and tell myself i have THE most beautiful eyebrows. And ‘would you want Vivie to pay attention to that comment?’ HAS CHANGED MY LIFE

— Shappi Khorsandi (@ShappiKhorsandi) November 12, 2020

Trump out. Covid-19 vaccine. Peter Sutcliffe dead. Cummings gone.

OH MY GOD. 2020 HAS TAKEN A NEW APPROACH, HASN’T IT, AND IS NOW GOING TO TRY AND KILL US WITH KINDNESS.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) November 13, 2020

Stop the press: The Archbishop of Canterbury prays for people!!!

In all seriousness, bravo @JustinWelby. Well handled. https://t.co/cUZtInub9L

— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) November 7, 2020

Dominic Cummings leaving Downing Street is much better when set to the Imperial March #DominicGoing pic.twitter.com/k1kZqFuH4q

— Gully Burrows (@gully_burrows) November 13, 2020

When you’re part of a cult that’s so ideologically crazed you pursue a policy that could stop life-saving vaccines getting into the country. https://t.co/GfGYvFGpH7

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) November 12, 2020

you drew the 4 on backwards tho https://t.co/hiaifotAvs

— dan hett (@danhett) November 8, 2020

Aaaargh. Aaaargh. AAAAAAAARGGHJDJDJDJ pic.twitter.com/dmdQADgkcY

— Alan White (@aljwhite) May 9, 2018

Cool now tell me about Churchill’s skincare routine pic.twitter.com/3clr0JCzNl

— Hannah Rose Woods (@hannahrosewoods) November 8, 2020

I’ve heard that Bad Cinderella song twice and, on both occasions, I thought I heard CHF sing the lyric “F**ing mad Cinderella.” Which can’t be right. (I guess it’s “Barking mad Cinderella” but, you know, that’s twice now, and it’s quite startling.) #ChildrenInNeed #cinderella

— Stephen Moore CDG (@StephenRMoore) November 13, 2020

four seasons total landscaping local ad pic.twitter.com/AVf1rMGRrL

— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) November 9, 2020

Bit worried. I’ve lost my sense of taste. I just bought a pair of brown corduroys.

— Ivor Baddiel (@Ivorbaddiel) November 3, 2020

And I thought it was just a nasal swab 😳 pic.twitter.com/GYyKAB5KQs

— judy murray (@JudyMurray) November 11, 2020

stop posting spoilers for lockdown 3 i haven't finished the second series yet https://t.co/J293HfnfcV

— char 🔪 (@screamsIasher) November 12, 2020

Trump taking credit for the vaccine is like taking credit for the sun just because he happened to live on a day it shone.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) November 13, 2020

This is the first time anyone outside an American film has walked out of their job carrying a box. It's all about wanting to be seen. https://t.co/uF6oHW2Z67

— Danny Wallace (@dannywallace) November 13, 2020

Dogs. pic.twitter.com/ai5N6uc4g3

— Helena Morrissey DBE (@MorrisseyHelena) November 13, 2020

The Cummings saga is very simple. One man hired him, enabled him, indulged him, and spared him at the expense of an entire public health strategy during a pandemic. This has never been about the ego of Cummings but the malignancy of Johnson.

— Jonathan Lis (@jonlis1) November 13, 2020

There used to be two different ways to leave No10 without walking down Downing Street and past the cameras. Maybe it's changed.

— Theo Bertram (@theobertram) November 13, 2020

I do wish people would stop saying 'mental health' when they really mean mental ill-health, mental illness or poor mental health. Having 'mental health' isn't a thing….

— Leah Milner (@leahmilner) November 14, 2020

"If you don't intentionally include,
you will unintentionally exclude."@and_mcc #CatalystLT

— Andrew Wilson (@AJWTheology) November 14, 2020

#OnThisDay 1992: A landmark moment in the history of British Television occurred when Mr Blobby made his first appearance on Noel’s House Party. pic.twitter.com/Ujk9M0PBvS

— BBC Archive (@BBCArchive) November 14, 2020

Wish this headline would get the attention it deserves “Priti Patel not following her own anti trafficking policy, judge rules” 😡 https://t.co/KSvhnT8VH3

— Candice Atterton (@CandiceAtterton) November 14, 2020

Reminder:

NOT SACKABLE OFFENCE
Presiding over
▪️highest Covid death rate in Europe
▪️worst economic hit
▪️Test & Trace giga-fail
▪️Breaking international law
▪️A-level shambles
▪️U-turnotopia
▪️Brexit catastrofuck
Breaking own lockdown rules

SACKABLE
Being mean to PM’s fiancée pic.twitter.com/t5eYtDYehw

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) November 14, 2020

18 series, more than 120 #Strictly routines, now one judging role… Anton du Beke, this is your moment pic.twitter.com/AehP6Vg5jv

— BBC Strictly ✨ (@bbcstrictly) November 14, 2020

Anton’s been waiting for this graduation for years. It just took a global pandemic for it to happen… #StrictlyComeDancing #BBCStrictly

— Paul Kerensa (@paulkerensa) November 14, 2020

Trump has gray hair now. Next he's gonna pull a Cosby and go blind, or use a walker like Weinstein. He's prepping for a jury. pic.twitter.com/gChdmQ1ckm

— Fifty Shades of Whey (@davenewworld_2) November 14, 2020

I’m just thinking Tess’ dress would work with a clerical collar…@bbcstrictly

— Kate Bottley (@revkatebottley) November 14, 2020

Amazon Prime have delivered a United Ireland, and before 6pm on the same day. https://t.co/LF567yffC1

— Dara Ó Briain (@daraobriain) November 14, 2020

geese wake up everyday and choose violence

— randy (@randypaint) November 9, 2020

Johnny Cash spent decades trying to warn us about this. https://t.co/EkqJhSUqdq

— Steve Reilly (@BySteveReilly) November 11, 2020

Oh my god the top post of r/flashlight has me WHEEZING

Uber eats driver couldn't find this guy's house so pic.twitter.com/16sAJ84t6i

— Bright (@BrightWasTaken) November 10, 2020

Today I reached the next level of remote work excellence. 🏅 pic.twitter.com/hxbGLfo7dT

— Wolf Brüning (@WolfBruening) November 12, 2020