ineke.co.uk

If you want to feel old may I suggest rewatching The Wire season 2 where one of the major plot points is when they find out about text messages

— Ed Gamble (@EdGambleComedy) November 14, 2020

Research shows that houses that put up Christmas decorations earlier are perceived as being more friendly.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 14, 2020

How difficult would it be to put car charging points in all lamp posts? Thinking out loud. #electriccars

— Simon McCoy (@SimonMcCoyTV) November 14, 2020

I'm too drunk for this. Look at their picnic bench 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 https://t.co/mt5w99agth

— protect the 🌍 (@BooksofAmber) November 14, 2020

I know they have all isolated but anybody else jealous about the hugs on Im a Celeb! I’d give anything to be able to hug my friends and family. I miss cuddles. On a separate note how amazing does the castle look! So excited. #imacelebrity

— Anna Church (@AnnaWeather) November 15, 2020

Btw, THEY AREN’T IN AUSTRALIA ON A MAD TIME DIFFERENCE WHY DIDN’T THEY PUT THIS ON EARLIER FOR ALL OF US OLD FARTS WHO HAVE TO GET UP EARLY

— Greg James (@gregjames) November 15, 2020

Oh so ITV put a bunch of people in a remote location in Wales and get loads of good reviews, we lose the marketing department on an away day in the brecon beacons and we 'should have been watching them' and 'put the channel at risk'. Double standards.

— Dave (@davechannel) November 16, 2020

Disgusting. Just got turned away from the supermarket for not wearing a face mask… WHEN I WAS. Well *EXCUSE* me for not knowing that this pore cleansing detoxifying clay mask with avocado and tea tree is ‘the wrong type of mask’!!!

— Joe Lycett (@joelycett) November 16, 2020

As of 2022, bribes will no longer be tax-deductible in Switzerland.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) November 16, 2020

A surprising number of people think a ‘drama based on real events’ is the same as a documentary.

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) November 16, 2020

As admin officer I do need to say that the evidence seems to point to the noise actually coming from a sniggering camera operator. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth watching or finding funny. https://t.co/w09OBRO99K

— Alex Horne (@AlexHorne) November 16, 2020

“It’s vital that everyone follows the rules” says PM pictured under 2 metres from fellow MPs without a mask at a meeting that could have been virtual. pic.twitter.com/hrd3N2RP3a

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) November 16, 2020

I’M BANKSY! https://t.co/us05edI9sA

— ❤️ Jameela Jamil ❤️ She/Her ❤️ (@jameelajamil) November 16, 2020

Awesome contrast pic.twitter.com/h7jz2HcXV9

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) November 16, 2020

Hello, police? I’d like to report a murder pic.twitter.com/MCZrZo8BVC

— Gwdihŵ 🦉 (@youwouldknow) November 16, 2020

I WON THE WORLD CUP. https://t.co/VOYvlCAySi

— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) November 16, 2020

YOU WON AN EJECTION! https://t.co/dR8kAN1Ayn

— Mark Hamill (@MarkHamill) November 16, 2020

This is true. Bless you. https://t.co/5JsLbz6FUP

— Dawn French 💙🔴🏳️‍🌈🇺🇦 (@Dawn_French) November 17, 2020

The year is 2021. Everything has a stories mode on it now. You log in to Instagram and update your stories. You go on twitter and update your stories. For some reason your banking app has stories. You put your shoes on, your shoes have stories now.

— Dave (@davechannel) November 17, 2020

Did daylight savings seem like it hit different this year? And by different I mean worse than usual

— HanSue (@hansuewilson) November 12, 2020

Raise your hand if you’ve also been personally victimized by Daylight Savings

— JAUZ (@Jauzofficial) November 8, 2020

Happy place happy place Turf Moor? pic.twitter.com/cT0aAOlYAr

— Greg James (@gregjames) November 18, 2020

Cabinet latest:

Breaking international law ➡️ No-one resigns

Breaking own lockdown rules ➡️ No-one resigns

Helping Tory donor save £40m ➡️ No-one resigns

£17bn in dodgy PPE contracts ➡️ No-one resigns

50k+ Covid deaths ➡️ No-one resigns

Actual bullying ➡️ No-one resigns

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) November 19, 2020

after months of muttering under my breath at people in the supermarket I’ve finally cracked pic.twitter.com/JioTIAGT5k

— Erin Black (@erinnblackk) November 18, 2020

So. Smirkypants isn't really a bully, because when she bullies she isn't aware of anything amiss. Gotcha.

— Stephen McGann (@StephenMcGann) November 20, 2020

People who are "boycotting" Sainsbury's over them having a black family in their Christmas ads – as far as I can see, EVERY supermarket's Xmas ads have people of colour in, & we don't know the geneology of the Aldi carrots. Are you gearing up for a peevish festive hunger-strike?

— Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) November 20, 2020

Our poor producer on #HouseOfGames now spends her whole life having to reply to emails from people furious that contestants swap seats in pairs games with no apparent Covid protocols. Here's a little 'behind the scenes' of what actually goes on, all hidden by a lovely slick edit. pic.twitter.com/m9jbpaL7HX

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) November 20, 2020

Don’t know what you’ve achieved today but I just made space for new ice cream in the freezer by eating some other ice cream

— Ed Gamble (@EdGambleComedy) November 20, 2020

Priti Patel should resign (again) or be sacked. If you can’t read the effect you are having on people you are a pretty poor Manager let alone Minister.

— Deborah Meaden 🇺🇦 (@DeborahMeaden) November 20, 2020

You eat sausages your whole life but you refuse vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it.

— Julian Popov (@julianpopov) November 20, 2020

Comics are often asked ‘were you the class clown then?’ No. The ‘class clown’ was a bully who took the piss out of the misfits and everyone laughed out of relief that it wasn’t them. Long live the misfits! The comedy world is awash with them 🤗

— Shaparak Khorsandi شاپرک خرسندی (@ShappiKhorsandi) November 20, 2020

If you can't do your job without bullying people then you can't do your job.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) November 21, 2020