Most middle aged things people have said.
Altered signs.


Amazon should have a system, for repeat customers, where stuff comes in reusable boxes, and they take away the boxes with your next delivery. And bloody reuse them. Sort that out Bezos, you rich space twat.
— Rob Manuel š§» (@robmanuel) August 13, 2021
Ahhh this is so lovely! And congratulations to your sister and brother-in-law. https://t.co/QMsPx1AxPR
— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) August 14, 2021
Quite ironic that a question about ITV quiz shows has everyone confused on an ITV quiz show… #WhoWantsToBeAMillionaire
— Amy Jo McLellan (@AmyJoSays) August 14, 2021
They Mike Wazowskiād me?! 𤣠https://t.co/nZfKWfL3Ea
— Tom Fletcher (@TomFletcher) August 15, 2021
Alexa. Show me just how morally bankrupt this government is. https://t.co/y109RChL7n
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 15, 2021
The Taliban have taken most of Afghanistan back in a week but parliament needs til Wednesday to arrange a five hour chat about it.
— Alexander Brown (@AlexofBrown) August 15, 2021
I prefer the term 'mobile libraries' but hey-ho 𤪠pic.twitter.com/wK3ZlZTkOA
— Simone Di Michele š®š¹ (@simonmacmichael) August 15, 2021
Fear not, we have a carefully prepared three stage plan for dealing with the Taliban and the situation in Afghanistan. pic.twitter.com/BYB5lD9IMr
— Parody Boris Johnson (@BorisJohnson_MP) August 15, 2021
I googled āHarry Potter plot holesā and this was listed pic.twitter.com/qGMT40AbDO
— Tracy King (@tkingdot) August 15, 2021
Kabul Airport this morning. pic.twitter.com/U90fo6Pw1T
— Shiv Aroor (@ShivAroor) August 16, 2021
Was it worth it, probably not. Did I lose my legs for nothing, looks like it. Did my mates die in vain. Yep. On my 11th Bangaversary itās a very somber one. Many emotions going through my head, anger, betrayal sadness to name a fewā¦. pic.twitter.com/xNkjZ9qqe6
— Jack Cummings (@Jack_Top4997) August 14, 2021
Romsey beat team are out on foot in the town tonight. Lovely light show at the beautiful Abbey. Not scary at all š¬š¤Ŗš¬ #Romseypolice pic.twitter.com/lgGgoqBUSa
— Romsey Police (@RomseyPolice) August 15, 2021
Puppy thinks heās a bunny.. š pic.twitter.com/GoK4gQPX4g
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden_) August 15, 2021
My friend's dog does the best Princess Diana impression there is. pic.twitter.com/aXV4SYCzxe
— Jon (@giftedrascal) August 16, 2021
Weāre 100% upgrading our cones to these.
— Roads Policing Unit (RPU) – Surrey Police – UK (@SurreyRoadCops) August 16, 2021
Just please donāt run them over! https://t.co/UAkOuEbLV9
So devastating. What a terrible visual symbol of the abandonment of the people of Afghanistan. https://t.co/LMeG3XtkoG
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 16, 2021
And just like that, all the infectious disease experts on Twitter became military strategists.
— šš¦šššš š¾š¦š£š (@Sundae_Gurl2) August 15, 2021
Took one hour and 36 minutes to write this tweet and upload this photo?
— Kamal Prashar (@kampra) August 16, 2021
Or maybe, given the different times on the clock and watch, it was a belated, hastily assembled piece of gesture politics? pic.twitter.com/eLIdTRbijn
IT IS LITERALLY THE GAME PLAN OF FARAGE AND GB NEWS FOR YOU TO RETWEET THEM IN DISGUST. STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT.
— Chris Addisonš (@mrchrisaddison) August 16, 2021
Yes, I think, the contestant was embarrassed to be saying it, but in that situation the easy solution is to all agree he scored 7 points and to retake with a different answer. We've done that a couple of times with 'correct' answers.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) August 16, 2021
āMurphyās Lawā is that anything that can go wrong, will go wrongā¦
— Samantha Quek (@SamanthaQuek) August 16, 2021
āColeās Lawā is shredded cabbageā¦#ThisWeeksDadJoke #ImSorry
āYour scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didnāt stop to think if they should.ā pic.twitter.com/PtnsPVe4j4
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) August 16, 2021
Did Biden just victim blame an entire Country
— tom jamieson (@jamiesont) August 16, 2021
Seems legit… pic.twitter.com/cRM5BvXkEK
— not the bible (@thenotthebible) August 16, 2021
"Dereliction of duty"@BorisJohnson pic.twitter.com/yVj0VJpEx8
— Russ Jones (@RussInCheshire) August 16, 2021
Thatās a brilliant idea. TOTALLY agree learning BSL should be on the curriculum https://t.co/yBIVVctSiS
— Emma Kennedyš (@EmmaKennedy) August 17, 2021
Thatāll be the Magna Carta which has never been part of Scots law as it was signed into English law 500 years before the union between England & Scotland then https://t.co/1vBIO1FNl6
— Mitch Bennš¬š§šŖšŗ (@MitchBenn) August 17, 2021
The UK supply chain is having a bit of a āmare right now. This is having a knock-on effect with some of our restaurants across England, Scotland and Wales. We are doing everything we can to get the PERi-PERi back where it belongs ā on your plates!
— Nando's (@NandosUK) August 17, 2021
God of mercy, we raise to you all the people of Afghanistan, especially all who are in danger, those who fear the future, and all who mourn.
— Archbishop of Canterbury (@JustinWelby) August 17, 2021
Comfort them with your healing Spirit, and grant them the peace that the world cannot give. Amen.
I think the Foreign Secretary shouldnāt look so proud to say āno-one saw this comingā about something it was his job to see coming.
— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) August 18, 2021
"The Afghan mission has been a success" – Boris Johnson
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 18, 2021
"People forget that 95% of the Titanic's maiden voyage was very pleasurable cruising" – Alan Partridge
I wish I had the words to describe the exceptional man that was Sean Lock. But today I donāt, and I think he might have liked it that way.
— Susie Dent š (@susie_dent) August 18, 2021
As sad as it is when someone famous dies, itās always so heartwarming to see a person that you may not have known but always thought seemed lovely is proved to be just that by the outpouring of love and admiration for them and the lovely stories and anecdotes shared about them.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) August 18, 2021
He's right. You can't write tears. And right now I don't have the words. A brilliant comedian and a lovely man. RIP Sean Lock. https://t.co/mhVIrlMlmr
— Adam Hills (@adamhillscomedy) August 18, 2021
I think Sean Lockās first ever Twitter post (and he only ever posted one other tweet) sums him up beautifully. pic.twitter.com/kxw1h8n2pu
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) August 18, 2021
'I looked round and all the comics on the bill had come out to watch him. We donāt do that for just anyone.' This is a wonderful tribute https://t.co/fydUnBGrd0
— Alice Jones (@alicevjones) August 18, 2021
A beautiful tribute to Sean Lock by Harry Hill https://t.co/goTlbtL4Xc pic.twitter.com/FZw1mOFIOC
— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) August 18, 2021
Sean Lock on NASA pic.twitter.com/8cFaAqP6q0
— Mike P Williams (@Mike_P_Williams) August 18, 2021
The final routine of the set would end with āBecause I am⦠THE RIDDLER!ā, at which point heād tear his shirt open and drop his trousers to reveal he was in a full, green Riddler suit. He told me that it worked about half the time, and the other half theyād just stare. Genius. https://t.co/ZxHRFhrqZY
— Chris Addisonš (@mrchrisaddison) August 18, 2021
Itās at least something that the UK has promised to take 20,000 Afghan refugees over 5 years.
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 18, 2021
In unrelated news, the government only took 350 out of the 3000 child refugees they promised to take.
Boris Johnson is right to say the Afghan mission was a success. In the same way that his Covid response was a "massive success", Test & Trace "world-beating" and his Brexit deal was "oven ready" and would "get Brexit done".
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 18, 2021
In the same way that you canāt use three wishes to ask for more wishes, you arenāt allowed to use a 3D printer to make a 3D printer
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) August 18, 2021
Priti Patelās own parents left persecution in Uganda to come here. In 1972, Ted Heath agreed to take in 28,000 Ugandan Asians fleeing Idi Amin. 28,000 in one year, despite the protests of Enoch Powell.
— Aditya Chakrabortty (@chakrabortty) August 18, 2021
And the daughter of that generation does them a dishonour. https://t.co/nZtX0n6ttx
We only rate dogs. This is clearly a Roomba⦠12/10 pic.twitter.com/6Nf9nPXz2c
— WeRateDogsĀ® (@dog_rates) August 18, 2021
He's talking overall numbers, not this week. Highly misleading. https://t.co/x3r5Eic1Aj
— Catherine Philp (@scribblercat) August 18, 2021
āYou look tiredā
— Adi (@IDdocAdi) August 17, 2021
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Me: pic.twitter.com/8cGfHb9fsf
Interesting bedtime chat with my 3 year old tonight: ādaddy, I had a family a long time ago & my mummy was called Sochi & I was called Anke but then I died & now Iām with your family,ā Anyway, if anyone needs me, Iāll be up cleaning the pants I just shat for the rest of the night
— Dan Schreiber (@Schreiberland) August 19, 2021
A reminder that Dominic Raab, who lay on a beach, too lazy to make phone calls that could have saved lives, once accused British workers of being āamong the worst idlers in the worldā. #ResignRaab
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 20, 2021
This is not a new hospital. They just canāt help lying. Itās a new cancer unit as part of an existing hospital, Carlisle Infirmary, Cumbria., https://t.co/2Sk5bdxtmu
— Kate Wilton (@KateWilton1) August 19, 2021
I don't know about you guys but I always have a photographer handy when I'm talking on the phone. pic.twitter.com/20kIbiPxPT
— joe heenan (@joeheenan) August 20, 2021
Ok so now weāve established he does know how to use a phone. We can eliminate that line of inquiry. pic.twitter.com/cxNQ0iRqdU
— Stephen Mangan (@StephenMangan) August 20, 2021
In Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) using Clementine’s (Kate Winslet) hair color, viewers can keep track of what phase of the relationship they are watching: green for first meeting, red for the fantasy scenes, orange for affairs, and blue for their re-acquaintance. from MovieDetails
In The Simpsons Movie (2007), you can still see Homer’s crashed ambulance from season 2 of the show from MovieDetails
Anything to add...?