ineke.co.uk

Took some paracetamol earlier and I’m pretty sure my dogs gave me looks like I was some sort of idiot for just washing the tablets down with water instead of putting them inside some cheese or ham.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) August 21, 2021

So my mom saw that her eggs were missing at work so she posted this note. Later some white dude came to her stressed af for the antidote thinking he was going to die 😭😭😭 ngl this is genius pic.twitter.com/rdHENrOYxf

— Kojo (@_kamoafo) March 10, 2021

6yo (to her crying brother): "It's okay to be sad, sometimes we need to let our feelings out, just let yourself be sad."
Me: "Oh darling, that's so lovely, well done. Why is he crying?"
6yo: "I hit him."#mumlife

— Ellie Hawkes (@elspells13) August 23, 2021

Government appointments to be announced this week:
Monday – Ian Botham, Trade Envoy
Tuesday – Judy Finnigan, Head of Ofgem
Wednesday – Bananarama, Attorneys General
Thursday – Timmy Mallet, Black Rod
Friday – Wolf from Gladiators, UN Ambassador

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) August 23, 2021

Wasn’t that long ago when this addition to that list would have seemed just as absurd:

Saturday – Boris Johnson, PM

— Dorothy Darling (@Dotdarling68) August 23, 2021

Will Kirk exudes such powerful Nice Young Man energy that if he were ever cast on Strictly, he'd get crowned the winner in the Launch Show group dance #CelebrityMasterchef

— Chris Rubery (@Chrisrubery) August 23, 2021

Will from Repair Shop is engaged…to marry.

Many a wasp being chewed across the country I suspect

— Mark Rutterford (@writingsett) August 23, 2021

“Prisoners to be used as UK’s meat supply dwindles” is 2021’s most dystopian headline yet

— tom jamieson (@jamiesont) August 24, 2021

Wife just texted “I have an idea.”

Prayers appreciated.

— Furious Noel (go/away) (@Furious_Xtian) August 23, 2021

A quick summary of the last decade pic.twitter.com/faQNNksEjt

— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) August 24, 2021

If only we could know why Northern Ireland is the only UK nation where Nandos haven’t had to close restaurants and McDonalds haven’t run out of milkshakes.

In unrelated news: Northern Ireland is still in the Single Market for goods.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 25, 2021

We tried to deliver *GRANDMA* today but no one was in. We will try and redeliver on the next working day. pic.twitter.com/cuYZkKYLL4

— Dr Philip Lee (@drphiliplee1) August 17, 2021

I wonder if the people behind the Ripple ever feel regret when they see a Twirl? What might have been?

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) August 25, 2021

Lancelot had a less ambitious brother called Joustabit

— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) August 25, 2021

Just seen another @BBCNews report on lack of supermarket produce because of ‘supply chain problems’ without mentioning Brexit.

Imagine them reporting on ‘fire safety issues’ in 1940 without mentioning the Blitz.

Orwell based his concept of Newspeak on his time at the BBC

— Peter Jukes (@peterjukes) August 25, 2021

“The sea was closed” is the new “I was testing my eyesight” and just as believable. https://t.co/2LnEVFVR2E

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 26, 2021

Sympathies for anyone who believed the lies but anyone saying “this isn’t what we voted for” is disingenuous. It wasn’t remotely clear what people were voting for because the precise shape of Brexit was never put to the electorate. https://t.co/EgZJmDxKLK

— Emma Kennedy💙 (@EmmaKennedy) August 25, 2021

Why does a fridge have a light but a freezer doesn't, like we don't eat ice cream in the dark?

— Patrick J L Davies (@RevPatrickD) August 26, 2021

I simply cannot comprehend an ideology which leads people to bomb and shoot terrified refugees. Lord have mercy. I have no words.

— The Church Mouse (@thechurchmouse) August 26, 2021

…. 86.5% of the UK live outside London. https://t.co/UNErQde9p1

— Georgina Bailey (@georginaebailey) August 26, 2021

I have my own GIF 🤩 https://t.co/TojXHeSSvl

— Dame Sarah Storey (@DameSarahStorey) August 27, 2021

The BBC continues to blame supply chains for food shortages

Which is a bit like blaming taps for water shortages

— Marina Purkiss (@MarinaPurkiss) August 26, 2021

About 14% of adults in the UK still smoke if you're wondering how many people can ignore unambiguous medical evidence because it's clashes with what they want to do anyway.

— Rob Manuel 🧻 (@robmanuel) August 27, 2021

series three of The Office is terrifying pic.twitter.com/dBIDeVqAeJ

— Henry Mance (@henrymance) August 28, 2021

CRYING at the fella at the end 🤣🤣 https://t.co/wpj5Ry033v

— LADbible (@ladbible) August 25, 2021

Singer Kelis also reporting that she's currently only able to bring around 50% of the boys to the yard due to the current supply chain issues.#McDonalds https://t.co/c19G6a8a1c

— Gene McGurk (@magawk) August 24, 2021

When I saw this trending I thought “it can't be that bad?”

It is.

Its more like a visit from some minor royals making small talk rather than the Prime Minister and Foreign Secretary, who are supposed to be ‘working night and day’ on this?

UFBpic.twitter.com/UK1YbER8uy

— Prof Colin TALBOT (@colinrtalbot) August 28, 2021