The picture Nadine Dorries is retweeting is of Keir Starmer sharing a curry with Frank Dobson who died in 2019. Ergo he could not have been eating with Keir Starmer in 2021 no matter what time of day it was. Nadine Dorries is the Cabinet minister responsible for #disinformation pic.twitter.com/MxXS61tdnD
— JOHN NICOLSON M.P. (@MrJohnNicolson) May 2, 2022
I put out peanuts for the birds every morning and they have started bringing me elastic bands. I don’t speak bird, what could this mean, and do I have to eat the elastic bands now? pic.twitter.com/5EB5ST0t1T
— Elisabeth Ingram Wallace (@ingram_wallace) May 1, 2022
So let’s get this right: Starmer must prove he’s *not* guilty after the police find him innocent; but Johnson *is* innocent despite the police finding him guilty. pic.twitter.com/lC6aJwPmwJ
— Steven Fielding (@PolProfSteve) May 2, 2022
I haven’t consumed any sugar, alcohol, dairy or grains in 26 days and guess what?? I notice little to no difference at all
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) May 2, 2022
I like it when a book blurb says '…her work has been translated into over 16 languages'. So, 17 then.
— Mark Watson, on Prime (@watsoncomedian) May 2, 2022
shout out to the camera operator who started filming the hug between Ronnie O'Sullivan and Judd Trump, not realising how long it was going to go on for and then just hovered around them like a fly zooming in and out ❤ #BBCSnooker pic.twitter.com/867YvlPLCL
— Ariadne 🦋 (@Ariadne_Reviews) May 2, 2022
Me: Can remember my very first landline phone number, the name of every form teacher I had from infant to secondary school and all the words to most 90s hit songs.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 2, 2022
Also me: What the bloody hell did I walk into this room for?!
They think it’s all over. It is now pic.twitter.com/wp8ZnZQo91
— Jonathan Lis (@jonlis1) May 3, 2022
Boris Johnson doesn't know who Lorraine Kelly is pic.twitter.com/yMtKifRqPb
— PoliticsJOE (@PoliticsJOE_UK) May 3, 2022
Me after paying $2,000 for a standing ticket #MiamiGP pic.twitter.com/wGQqhV5bQs
— Matt Amys (@mattamys) May 2, 2022
I keep reading I'm the favourite to be the new Countdown host. But there are 3 problems.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) May 4, 2022
1. I just gave up a show I love because I have no time.
2. @susiedent and I are mortal enemies.
3. They should give the job to @ColinMurray https://t.co/lRSPI2mfPb via @DailyMailCeleb
In Italy, it is not a crime to steal food if you are hungry.
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 5, 2022
Erm… pic.twitter.com/gfyzyBZhlh
— Will Noble (@willrnoble) May 5, 2022
I regale work with stories of my 3-year old, Ben. And I occasionally have to leave early because of him. I haven't told them that Ben is my cat.
— Fesshole 🧻 (@fesshole) May 5, 2022
If you are filling a glass and reach the halfway point, it’s half-full. If you are emptying a glass and reach the halfway point, it’s half-empty.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) April 25, 2022
No need to invoke your emotional state.
Want proof that God is gracious?
— Matt Smethurst (@MattSmethurst) May 5, 2022
A third of the Mosaic law is about what you do when you’ve broken it.
—@LigonDuncan
Downing Street is now in a Labour controlled council.
— Brendan May (@bmay) May 6, 2022
Baby steps…
🌹
Crumbs! 🥐🇨🇵 https://t.co/OiEkGO9dc7
— Huw Edwards (@thehuwedwards) May 6, 2022
ineke.co.uk 
Anything to add...?