ineke.co.uk

when busted said they’d been to the year 3000 and not much had changed but they live underwater? that’s quite a big change in my opinion.

— macksy (@macksypowwa) August 31, 2026

I don’t mean to be disrespectful but I can’t believe Sir Tom Jones is 86 years old and still coaching on #TheVoiceUK… and ITV are filming each series a year in advance. They’re playing with fire there

— sᴜᴘᴇʀ ᴛᴠ (@superTV247) August 22, 2026

I am genuinely puzzled why a machine moving faster than a human is supposed to be a thing of wonder. We figured this out in the steam age. https://t.co/CKSlkkQJkH

— Niall Stanage (@NiallStanage) August 22, 2026

People use "the square root of fuck all" to mean less than fuck all, but in point of fact if the fuck all in question is less than 1.0000, then the square root of the fuck all is MORE than the fuck all. It is a mathematical certainty.

— Anon Opin. (@anon_opin) August 23, 2026

This guy argues that 2–10 PM is actually a better work schedule than the traditional 9–5, and he makes a surprisingly solid case pic.twitter.com/7l3wSI1ri8

— Financial Dystopia (@financedystop) August 23, 2026

Dolly's obituary in The Telegraph.

No one does have subeditors any more, do they? pic.twitter.com/lQdROzOonC

— Tim Worstall (@worstall) August 26, 2026

I DIDN’T MEAN TIM CURRY WHAT THE FUCK https://t.co/67w9qoefXj

— Soda 🥤🫧 || 2BTR SPOILERS (@ghoulsoda) August 26, 2026

every city in britain is designed so that if you buy a sausage roll from greggs and start walking in any direction, the exact moment you finish eating, you are directly outside another greggs. a very dangerous place to be

— snowboiiii (@snowboiiii) August 26, 2026

One of the greatest transitions in cinema history and I'm being completely serious. His face is perfect https://t.co/aPq2ChKCG6

— Leigh Giangreco (@LeighGiangreco) August 26, 2026

So, just heard that a year 6 child has a theory that David Attenborough is actually God and he got fed up with people not noticing the amazing things he’d created, so he made documentaries to show off.

— Curiosity (@MAstronomers) August 27, 2026

Anyone else noticed a distinct absence of wasps this year? They’re usually menaces in August but I haven’t been harassed once😂

— bels (@AnnabelleHallUK) August 27, 2026

The greatest possible tribute to Dolly is that she spent many years turning down interview requests from Piers Morgan. Rest in power you absolute queen. pic.twitter.com/V7SU8I1Sz8

— Steve Smith (@steve__smith__) August 26, 2026

Airports should have a post office so that you can post things home instead of throwing them away.

— Anon Opin. (@anon_opin) August 29, 2026

Millennials don’t want team-building exercises. We want to finish our work and be left alone. 😂

— ‏ً (@omgsidewalks) August 30, 2026

A list of lyrics if all lyrics were as profound as "I got soul, but I'm not a soldier"…

1. I got hips, but I’m not a hipster
2. I got plums, but I’m not a plumber
3. I got toes, but I’m not a toaster
4. I got badge, but I’m not a badger
5. I got meow, but I'm not a homeowner

— Adam Sharp (@AdamCSharp) August 30, 2026

I asked my boss "What do you want me to do with this 20 foot roll of bubble wrap?"

He replied, "Just pop it in the corner".

It took me 3 hours, but I’m no quitter …

— mariana Z (@mariana057) August 30, 2026

73 is an amazing number, though.

It’s the 21st prime; its reverse, 37, is the 12th; 21 reverses to 12; and 7 × 3 = 21. It’s not just a prime factor of 365. It’s the best number.

— Ernesto (@gnapse) September 1, 2026

Dear BBC, idea for a new tv show- SKI SATURDAY.

— Tim Vine (@RealTimVine) September 2, 2026

my coworker told me how there’s a cohort of homeschooling parents in his neighborhood that decided this school year they were going to hire specialized nannies with education backgrounds and rent a space so all of their kids could be homeschooled together. ladies and gentlemen..…

— ꪝe (@_wej01) September 1, 2026

I’m starting to doubt that CS Lewis runs this account https://t.co/wlcl3AFsSx

— Justin Brierley (@JusBrierley) September 2, 2026

why pilates is pronounced that way and pirates not

— Ahmed Hany (@Doolittleraidd) September 2, 2026

Has anyone else got a spider 🕷️ that lives in their car wing mirror 🤦‍♂️
Every morning without fail…. We have to clear off this mega web which looks like the car has been in a shed for years….. He seems to survive jet washes & high speed runs…. 🤷‍♂️

— Chicane // Nick B (@NickChicane) September 2, 2026

President Macron has replied to a post from Larry the Cat about the Bayeux Tapestry and you will have to carry me out of here in a box before I leave this app.

— Brendan May (@bmay) September 3, 2026

This is a perfect specialist subject:

✅️ everyone vaguely aware of it, but nobody knows much about it, so *any* right answers seem amazing
✅️ only about 200 facts to memorise to cover the entire subject
✅️ niche enough the booker wants you on the show for quirk value https://t.co/V87P63Sjaj

— dan barker (@danbarker) August 22, 2026