Elf!

28 12 2014

This evening I introduced my parents to the film Elf – definitely one of the best Christmas films there is – and one of them stayed awake the whole time…!

It’s such a quoteable film, I wrote down all my favourite one-liners, and bunged in a couple of YouTube clips for when you can’t explain it with words… Enjoy!

    “The three rules for elves:

  1. Treat every day like Christmas
  2. There’s room for everyone on the nice list
  3. The best way of spreading Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear”

“I’m a cotton headed ninny-muggins.”

“Of course you’re not an elf. You’re six-foot-three and had a beard since you were fifteen.”

“You did it, congratulations! World’s best cup of coffee! Great job everybody, it’s great to be here!”

“I’d love to ride the rest of the way up, with you but this is where my Dad works – Oh I forgot to give you a hug!”

“I’m here with my dad
And we never met
And he wants me to sing him a song
And I was adopted, but you didn’t know I was born
So I’m here now
I found you, Daddy
And guess what, I love you, I love you, I love youuuuuuuu!”

“What’s a Christmas-gram?! I want one!”

“I like to whisper too!”

“Hey! Have you seen these toilets? They’re gi-normous!”

“I just like to smile, smiling’s my favourite!”

“Santa!!!! I know him, I know him!”

“I’m singing
I’m in a store and I’m singing
I’m in a store and I’m singing!!!”

“You sit on a throne of lies”

“You smell like beef and cheese, you don’t smell like Santa”

“I thought maybe we could make ginger bread houses, and eat cookie dough, and go ice skating, and maybe even hold hands.”

“Well technically I’m a human, but I was raised by elves.”

“I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel.”

    “We elves try to stick to the four main food groups:

  • Candy
  • Candy Canes
  • Candy Corn
  • Syrup”

“[I slept] great! I got a full forty minutes, and even had time to make that rocking horse!”

“First we’ll make snow angels for a two hours, then we’ll go ice skating, then we’ll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookie dough as fast as we can, and then we’ll snuggle.”

“So, good news, I saw a dog today.”

“Son of a nutcracker!”

“I think you’re really beautiful and I feel really warm when I’m around you and my tongue swells up. So… do you wanna eat food?”

“That’s a nice purple dress, very purpley”

“Francisco, that’s fun to say!”

“You have such a pretty face you should be on a Christmas card!”

“Buddy the Elf, what’s your favourite colour?!”

“This place reminds me of Santa’s Workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me.”

“What about this: a tribe of asparagus children, but they’re self-conscious about the way their pee smells?”

“I’m sorry I ruined your lives and crammed cookies in the VCR.”





Nine Lessons and Carols: Ninth Lesson – John 1 vv 1-14

24 12 2014

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

There was a man sent from God whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.

The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognise him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God – children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”





Nine Lessons and Carols: Eighth Lesson – Matthew 2 vv 1-12

23 12 2014

“After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, ‘Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.’

When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him. When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Messiah was to be born. ‘In Bethlehem in Judea,’ they replied, ‘for this is what the prophet has written:

‘“But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah,
are by no means least among the rulers of Judah;
for out of you will come a ruler
who will shepherd my people Israel.”’
Then Herod called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. He sent them to Bethlehem and said, ‘Go and search carefully for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.’

After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen when it rose went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshipped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route.”





Nine Lessons and Carols: Seventh Lesson – Luke 2 vv 8-16

22 12 2014

“And there were shepherds living out in the fields near by, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, ‘Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Saviour has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.’

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

‘Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace to those on whom his favour rests.’
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, ‘Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.’

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger.”





Nine Lessons and Carols: Sixth Lesson – Luke 2 vv 1, 3-7

21 12 2014

“In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world.”

“And everyone went to their own town to register.

So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.”





Nine Lessons and Carols: Fifth Lesson – Luke 1 vv 26-35, 38

20 12 2014

“In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, ‘Greetings, you who are highly favoured! The Lord is with you.’

Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favour with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants for ever; his kingdom will never end.’

‘How will this be,’ Mary asked the angel, ‘since I am a virgin?’

The angel answered, ‘The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God.”

“‘I am the Lord’s servant,’ Mary answered. ‘May your word to me be fulfilled.’ Then the angel left her.”





Nine Lessons and Carols: Fourth Lesson – Isaiah 11 vv 1-3a, 4a, 6-9

19 12 2014

“A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse;
from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.
The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him –
the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
the Spirit of counsel and of might,
the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the Lord –
and he will delight in the fear of the Lord.”

“but with righteousness he will judge the needy,
with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth.”

“The wolf will live with the lamb,
the leopard will lie down with the goat,
the calf and the lion and the yearling together;
and a little child will lead them.
The cow will feed with the bear,
their young will lie down together,
and the lion will eat straw like the ox.
The infant will play near the cobra’s den,
and the young child will put its hand into the viper’s nest.
They will neither harm nor destroy
on all my holy mountain,
for the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the Lord
as the waters cover the sea.”