ineke.co.uk

Roses are red,

Tree trunks are fat… pic.twitter.com/1aaEQAws4j

— Dr Ben Hall (@DrBenLHall) August 7, 2016

Roses are red
Violets are blue pic.twitter.com/uZZYZR6f0E

— Sam (@sam_bambs) August 12, 2016

An average espresso shot contains about the same amount of caffeine as a mug of PG Tips.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) February 9, 2018

Can I just clear this up…the reason McFLY haven’t released any new music is not because I’ve “been too busy writing books”. I appreciate and share your frustration in the absence of McFLY lately.

— Tom Fletcher (@TomFletcher) February 9, 2018

this cat is the ideal assistant pic.twitter.com/GxPQjnfzpx

— BuzzFeed (@BuzzFeed) February 9, 2018

Dream job alert! We're looking for 4 (yes 4!) chocolate connoisseurs to join our Reading Science Centre research team part-time. Chocoholics can find out more here: https://t.co/hwdjqm0iNn Good luck! pic.twitter.com/OTdmsrNu6a

— Cadbury UK (@CadburyUK) February 9, 2018

My thoughts are with anyone who starts a new relationship this weekend, and then immediately has to deal with buying a Valentines Day gift for someone they don’t know very well. #StaySingleForAnotherWeek

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) February 9, 2018

I may have cost the British economy a couple of billion. Sorry about that. https://t.co/6mbc26VsE1

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) February 8, 2018

Surely one of the most obscene front pages so far this year: A privileged millionaire brandishing a petition calling for money to be taken away from the world’s poorest. pic.twitter.com/uRKpY8f7i0

— Jonathan Bartley (@jon_bartley) February 9, 2018

Dear Olympics commentators, at the beginning of each figure skating couple please let us know if the couple loves each other or if he’s in the friendzone.

— Jon Acuff (@JonAcuff) February 9, 2018

I wish there was an undo button on traffic lights for when you get a chance to go early

— Esther Liu (@posh_esther) February 8, 2018

Negative thoughts are a bit like trains:- You cannot stop them arriving at your station but you can decide not to get on board. #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety pic.twitter.com/7AKyQeuVS3

— Mind and Soul Foundation (@mindandsouluk) February 8, 2018

My 4yr old girl drew me a picture and said: ‘it’s a mummy giraffe and a daddy giraffe’ adding thoughtfully, ‘they are not in love’

Bit of reality at dinner time.

— Shaparak Khorsandi شاپرک خرسندی (@ShappiKhorsandi) February 8, 2018

“Cold out there”
“Yeah it was freezing when I left the house”

– end of conversation –
– repeat tomorrow –

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) February 8, 2018

THIS. pic.twitter.com/kNwiJU33AN

— Richard Coles (@RevRichardColes) February 5, 2018

Wrong. People were marching because we love our NHS and hate what the Tories are doing to it. Healthcare is a human right. https://t.co/Pmo2xYSqZh

— Jeremy Corbyn (@jeremycorbyn) February 5, 2018

Today's lesson about asking the right question to get meaningful data, brought to you by a 4 year old:

Me: Should I put a banana in your lunch today?
Him: Sure! They are healthy & I'm supposed to bring healthy food.
Me: Will you eat it?
Him: Definitely not. I don't like bananas.

— Molly (@mollytelfordMRX) February 3, 2018

MONDAY MOTIVATION:

If a bunch of eagles can learn the rules of American football, form a successful team and go on to win a very important sporting competition, just imagine what you can do today.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) February 5, 2018

“mental illness is all in your head!!” umm ya sweatie where else would i keep it xoxo

— Beth McColl (@imbethmccoll) February 3, 2018