ineke.co.uk

roses are red
politics is gory pic.twitter.com/LiqijmBqaT

— ️ ️ ️ ️ ️ ️ ️ ️️ ️ (@ultrxlana) August 13, 2016

Roses are red,

Tree trunks are fat… pic.twitter.com/1aaEQAws4j

— Ben Hall (@MrBenLHall) August 7, 2016

Roses are red
Violets are blue pic.twitter.com/uZZYZR6f0E

— Sam (@sam_bambs) August 12, 2016

Eating McDonalds fries cures baldness. You will now envy my luxurious, ample hair as I snuggle into the two airline seats I was forced to purchase for myself. https://t.co/UbGlBy7ZQS

— Troy Johnson (@_troyjohnson) February 5, 2018

Ricky was just acting like he wasn’t my bf at the gym, saying to me “you look nice in those leggings, can I take you out some time?”
This girl (that I don’t know) comes up to me and says “hey you ready to leave?”
I informed her he was my bf
BUT GIRL I APPRECIATE YOU

— Nicoletta (@nictoobomb) February 7, 2018

I CAN’T STOP WATCHING THIS pic.twitter.com/IzyxhozttY

— Jensen Karp (@JensenClan88) February 7, 2018

An average espresso shot contains about the same amount of caffeine as a mug of PG Tips.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) February 9, 2018

Can I just clear this up…the reason McFLY haven’t released any new music is not because I’ve “been too busy writing books”. I appreciate and share your frustration in the absence of McFLY lately.

— Tom Fletcher (@TomFletcher) February 9, 2018

this cat is the ideal assistant pic.twitter.com/GxPQjnfzpx

— BuzzFeed (@BuzzFeed) February 9, 2018

Dream job alert! We're looking for 4 (yes 4!) chocolate connoisseurs to join our Reading Science Centre research team part-time. Chocoholics can find out more here: https://t.co/hwdjqm0iNn Good luck! pic.twitter.com/OTdmsrNu6a

— Cadbury UK (@CadburyUK) February 9, 2018

My thoughts are with anyone who starts a new relationship this weekend, and then immediately has to deal with buying a Valentines Day gift for someone they don’t know very well. #StaySingleForAnotherWeek

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) February 9, 2018

I may have cost the British economy a couple of billion. Sorry about that. https://t.co/6mbc26VsE1

— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) February 8, 2018

Surely one of the most obscene front pages so far this year: A privileged millionaire brandishing a petition calling for money to be taken away from the world’s poorest. pic.twitter.com/uRKpY8f7i0

— Jonathan Bartley (@jon_bartley) February 9, 2018

Dear Olympics commentators, at the beginning of each figure skating couple please let us know if the couple loves each other or if he’s in the friendzone.

— Jon Acuff (@JonAcuff) February 9, 2018

I wish there was an undo button on traffic lights for when you get a chance to go early

— Esther Liu (@posh_esther) February 8, 2018

Negative thoughts are a bit like trains:- You cannot stop them arriving at your station but you can decide not to get on board. #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety pic.twitter.com/7AKyQeuVS3

— Mind and Soul (@mindandsouluk) February 8, 2018

My 4yr old girl drew me a picture and said: ‘it’s a mummy giraffe and a daddy giraffe’ adding thoughtfully, ‘they are not in love’

Bit of reality at dinner time.

— Shappi Khorsandi (@ShappiKhorsandi) February 8, 2018

At some point on social media, 'humbled' came to mean 'pretty pleased with myself actually'.

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) February 8, 2018

“Cold out there”
“Yeah it was freezing when I left the house”

– end of conversation –
– repeat tomorrow –

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) February 8, 2018

THIS. pic.twitter.com/kNwiJU33AN

— Richard Coles (@RevRichardColes) February 5, 2018

Wrong. People were marching because we love our NHS and hate what the Tories are doing to it. Healthcare is a human right. https://t.co/Pmo2xYSqZh

— Jeremy Corbyn (@jeremycorbyn) February 5, 2018

If anyone asks me what it means to be British, I will point them to the time we all spent months talking about how the NHS is broke and not working, and then became utterly LIVID as an entire nation when someone else said it. 💪❤️🇬🇧

— Katy Brand (@KatyFBrand) February 5, 2018

Today's lesson about asking the right question to get meaningful data, brought to you by a 4 year old:

Me: Should I put a banana in your lunch today?
Him: Sure! They are healthy & I'm supposed to bring healthy food.
Me: Will you eat it?
Him: Definitely not. I don't like bananas.

— Molly Telford (@mollytelfordMRX) February 3, 2018

MONDAY MOTIVATION:

If a bunch of eagles can learn the rules of American football, form a successful team and go on to win a very important sporting competition, just imagine what you can do today.

— innocent drinks (@innocent) February 5, 2018

“mental illness is all in your head!!” umm ya sweatie where else would i keep it xoxo

— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) February 3, 2018

MOM. how many times do I have to tell you I don’t get cell service on The Bachelor?? https://t.co/iYnxQCIZBt

— bekah martinez ♡ (@whats_ur_sign_) February 2, 2018

There must be a German word for the thing authors feel when an Amazon reviewer leaves a glowing review and then puts one star on it.

— Jojo Moyes (@jojomoyes) February 4, 2018

A comprehensive list of @BarackObama scandals in 8 years:

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The End

— Ɠҽɱɱα εℓҽαɳσ૨™ (@Lady_Star_Gem) February 3, 2018