https://www.facebook.com/groups/882462945879605/posts/992351508224081/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/thebestchristianmemesfamily/posts/1792330730950245/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/thebestchristianmemesfamily/posts/1791734941009824/
Wearing a suit on my way to a job interview, I was stopped and asked what charges I was up on. Also played football with a lad who was called Moses by all his friends cos he wore sandals once when he was 9. Another was called Barney for years after he wore a purple jumper.
— Brian Comey (@BrianComey) August 16, 2021
How it started: How it ended: pic.twitter.com/ywh2dobB74
— autumn (@Autie_Radig) October 9, 2020
My wife confronted me today, horrified that, according to our ten year old, I had proudly announced that I had bought her phone on the black market.
— Martin Saunders 🤦🏻♂️ (@martinsaunders) August 29, 2021
What sort of example was I setting?!
It took me a good amount of time to remember I’d told him that I’d got it on Black Friday…
Get the thrill of today's #F1 race by sitting in your car in a car wash.
— Dave (@davechannel) August 29, 2021
Someone who’s willing to consume every piece of Alex Horne content needs to make a playlist of every song he’s claimed was the first dance at his wedding.
— Holly🦩 (@coldandabsurd) August 29, 2021
What a super idea! I wish someone had thought about that before!
— Jason J Hunter (Not a noble Lord) (@JJHTweets) August 29, 2021
😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/dvvxLBRHqM
Meanwhile, in the football it’s Haas 8-6 Aston Martin #HaasF1 #BelgianGP pic.twitter.com/QtZ1IaTVsV
— Haas F1 Team (@HaasF1Team) August 29, 2021
They saw an opportunity and they took it pic.twitter.com/uSGXs7TJL4
— Jes Layton (@AGeekwithaHat) August 29, 2021
Bank Holidays started in 1907 when Graham Bank decided he just couldn't be bothered to go to work one Monday.
— Dave (@davechannel) August 29, 2021
If you think wearing a mask is inconvenient, wait until you hear about the cross that Jesus wants us to carry.
— Shane Claiborne (@ShaneClaiborne) July 9, 2020
Love your neighbor.
Wear a mask.😷
— Damon Hill (@HillF1) August 29, 2021
Brave decision by Michael Masi @fia If the race had gone ahead and there had been a serious accident, we'd be asking why he started the race. Tough. But ultimately a mature thing to do. Spa has claimed a lot of drivers #f1
— Damon Hill (@HillF1) August 29, 2021
You’re loved, you know?#littlereminder
— Kate Bottley (@revkatebottley) August 30, 2021
I met my old French teacher and she asked me what I was up to. I told her I live in Edinburgh in Scotland and I like to visit the cinema, play football with my brother and my favourite food is pizza. I do not like running and Coca Cola.
— Laura McConnell (@LauraFMcConnell) August 29, 2021
Nice of her to ask 👍
Since this tweet, which was a remark about how I seem to be the only person without strong opinions on James Corden, a lot of people have stepped in to lend me theirs. https://t.co/2X8OkamLNW
— Mark Watson, the guy with that book, 'Contacts' (@watsoncomedian) August 30, 2021
‘This isn’t the Brexit I voted for.’
— Huw (@Huwburt) August 29, 2021
That’s odd, because it’s the one I voted against.
Oh mate, if you’re on a train, try putting ‘current location’ into maps and watch it try to track you. You’ve never seen the blue dot move like this. You feel like a god.
— Mark Watson, the guy with that book, 'Contacts' (@watsoncomedian) August 29, 2021
YOU CAN’T EAT A WHOLE CAPYBARA pic.twitter.com/GlmJoOpiNA
— CAPYBARA MAN (@CAPYBARA_MAN) August 16, 2021
We set a goal to have 60% of our members involved in serving, and we've almost lost enough people to reach that.
— Bad Church Secertary (@ChruchSecretary) August 30, 2021
🗣 “This is a story of triumph, this is NOT a story of defeat!”
— C4 Paralympics (@C4Paralympics) August 30, 2021
If you watch one thing today, make sure it’s this @EllieRobinsonGB interview.#Tokyo2020 pic.twitter.com/NDIo1f2yq3
Just found this too funny not to share pic.twitter.com/uuxfOMx0Ba
— LynnetteLock FBPE#Johnson is a liar 🏴 (@itsallymcmental) August 29, 2021
Same energy pic.twitter.com/MKYeFNFwsd
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) August 30, 2021
"Britain's full! Go home!"
— Marcus Chown (@marcuschown) August 31, 2021
Well, they've gone home.
And now we have shortages of lorry drivers, care workers, fruit pickers… you name the profession, we've got shortages.@mrjamesob #BrexitReality #BrexitFoodShortages
I bloody knew it pic.twitter.com/G5pbeHUuXV
— Dom Joly (@domjoly) August 31, 2021
Fact of the day. It takes Stefanos Tsitipas twice as long to go the bathroom as it takes Jeff Bazos to fly into space. Interesting. 🚽 🚀
— Andy Murray (@andy_murray) August 31, 2021
I had dinner at a friends tonight. My daughter waited up for me.
— Shaparak Khorsandi (@ShappiKhorsandi) August 31, 2021
My girl: ‘Did they have pudding?’
Me: ‘yes. Fruit salad’
My girl, horrified: ‘do adults KNOW what pudding IS???’
She’s right. We are fools.
It’s when watching stuff like Vigil that I realise how rubbish I’d be at captaining a nuclear submarine & just feel grateful that the worst that can happen during my job is I accidentally lean on a button & stop a song like I did the other week.
— sara cox💙 (@sarajcox) August 31, 2021
So much GP-bashing of late. Yet we have only 0.6 GPs per 1000 patients in the UK, whereas Europe typically has >3 GPs per 1000 patients.
— Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford) August 31, 2021
I understand the fear & frustrations of patients. But we get the NHS we're willing to pay for. Demand more from @BorisJohnson. Demand better.
'September you're a Womble
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) September 1, 2021
September you're a Womble
September-tember-tember
What a Womble Womble Womble you are'
This works even better in November by the way.
Today's business idea: I will open a shop in the Atacama Desert. The name? Store In A Cool Dry Place
— Andrew Hunter Murray (@andrewhunterm) September 1, 2021
It’s a holiday for me! https://t.co/hqVpFeguIe
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) August 31, 2021
Pic 2… is that just a row of trees behind him? Or a small wood? Or is it a whole… https://t.co/ZOw78bxWR5
— Martin Saunders 🤦🏻♂️ (@martinsaunders) September 1, 2021
A cautionary tale for you this afternoon…Meet the pastor who went to prison for £150,000 gift aid fraud https://t.co/PoLfw8CnIU
— Sam Hailes ن (@samhailes) September 1, 2021
I’m always ready for my close-up
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) September 2, 2021
(Pic: @PjrFoto) pic.twitter.com/dlkmswLxj6
Hi Mark. I think there is a strong case of MPs to publish all of the public income they receive and the hours they work and other income sources they have. I am sure you will be the first to rush to do so https://t.co/jzh6u0KT6A
— Natalie Silvey (@silv24) September 2, 2021
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.
— Nicky Gumbel (@nickygumbel) September 2, 2021
– Abraham Lincoln
Just dropped my boy off at secondary school, first day. Emotional parents pep-talking the kids (including me). Heard a dad say ‘prepare for the worst; hope for the best’. Outstanding.
— Mark Watson, the guy with that book, 'Contacts' (@watsoncomedian) September 2, 2021
Wrong Said Maths pic.twitter.com/npbRSV9Vg5
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) September 2, 2021
I enjoy #HUNENG games, but #HUNGER games are much more exciting.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) September 2, 2021
Death. Taxes. Raheem Sterling scoring against racists. 💉💉💉 pic.twitter.com/nwJK9E23Fq
— ً (@sfcdan_) September 2, 2021
This Hungarian crowd is getting exactly the result they deserve.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) September 2, 2021
It's 24 years since my all-time favourite press apology/correction. If any of you can beat it, I'm all ears. pic.twitter.com/IVqb5NYQIq
— The Author, Séamas O'Reilly, retweeting praise (@shockproofbeats) September 1, 2021
I taught my 9yo how to remember the order of Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians as I was taught it: "God's Electric Power Company."
— Rebecca McLaughlin (@RebeccMcLaugh) September 2, 2021
She said, "Wouldn't "God's Everlasting Powerful Christ" be better?" I said, "Um. Yes."
Sometimes your children school you…
Dominic Raab admits to multiple ‘intelligence failings’ – unclear if he’s talking about Afghanistan or just in general.
— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) September 2, 2021
You can trust the government when they say it’s safe for kids to go back to school because when they said it a few months ago they then decided it wasn’t safe the next day.
— David Schneider (@davidschneider) September 3, 2021
The perils of a multipurpose building with several entrances… just had to fish three terrified looking y7s out of a wake.
— Martin Saunders 🤦🏻♂️ (@martinsaunders) September 3, 2021
Youth work, it’s good to be back.
Nursing school doesn't prepare you for the number of elderly patients who will casually confess to decades-old murders.
— zorn (@zozagoon) August 15, 2021
“Let your speech [and tweets] always be gracious, seasoned with salt.” (Col 4:6)
— Andrew Wilson (@AJWTheology) September 4, 2021
I've just seen a trainspotter. This is such a nice rarity now that in future I'm going to ask them all their names and write them in a book.
— Nathaniel Metcalfe (@natmetcalfe) September 3, 2021
Happy #Caturdaypic.twitter.com/kun0BPPMtj
— Larry the Cat (@Number10cat) September 4, 2021
See the neighbourhood fox cubs interrupt their play to watch a bird fly overhead 😍 @DickKingSmith pic.twitter.com/rb9tbbCWNb
— William James (@WJames_Reuters) September 4, 2021
They’ve started rehearsing for that new ABBA concert. It was incredibly loud. You could hear the drums from Nando’s
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) September 2, 2021
ineke.co.uk 
Anything to add...?