ineke.co.uk

This evening, the President of the United States stood in front of St. John’s Episcopal Church, lifted up a bible, and had pictures of himself taken. In so doing, he used a church building and the Holy Bible for partisan political purposes.

— Presiding Bishop Michael Curry (@PB_Curry) June 2, 2020

As far as I can make out Trunmp said he was so horrified by the killing of George Floyd he is going to deploy the military to kill more black people.

— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) June 1, 2020

Now read it. pic.twitter.com/99zKfP6Vwo

— Bishop Philip (@BpBlackburn) June 2, 2020

Yup pic.twitter.com/PGtlFu6uig

— Nick Murphy (@nickmurftweets) May 31, 2020

Who’s going to tell them…. https://t.co/bQ5ZR6rl0x

— Shane Claiborne (@ShaneClaiborne) June 5, 2020

“I'd rather be a hypocrite than the same person forever.” -Adam 'Ad-Rock' Horovitz #BlackLivesMatter pic.twitter.com/KLJkiOuaPA

— Tom Hunt (@scarecrowbar) June 4, 2020

Capybara ☑
Ducks ☑
Bath-time flatulence ☑
It's official. This video has everything. pic.twitter.com/RCk8jnaZhU

— Michael Moran (@TheMichaelMoran) November 30, 2016

I read that when car dealerships reopen, they’ll trust customers to test-drive on their own. Good news for Dominic Cummings, who can test a new car and his eyes at the same time.

— Stephen Merchant (@StephenMerchant) May 30, 2020

The ‘shielding’ u-turn overnight is the last straw for me. I have lost all confidence in government advice on the pandemic. Until the independent scientific consensus says otherwise, surely the right thing to do is stay home if you can, protect each other and save lives.

— Steve Broach (@SteveBroach) May 31, 2020

"Yes, absolutely we've got Fairy Liquid and a whole pile of dirty dishes, so I have the capacity to do an amazing amount of washing up."
"Did you do the washing up, then?"
"I have certainly got the capacity to do it, yes."

— @mrchrisaddison@dizl.de (@mrchrisaddison) May 31, 2020

In Denmark it’s illegal to burn every nation’s flag except their own.

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) May 31, 2020

The world’s smallest (ex) police station is in Trafalgar Square. It was built in the 1920s, could accommodate one policeman and had a direct line to Scotland Yard. (Image: Kim Fyson) pic.twitter.com/LDhq2sDJPX

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) June 2, 2020

next slide please pic.twitter.com/yTDC7z3qye

— Darren Dutton (@Darren_Dutton) May 31, 2020

I didn't know we could do that! So we can thank ourselves on behalf of other people. Wow. I'm glad I discovered this (thank you Joe) https://t.co/U09ASaRxEU

— Joe Henegan (@Joe_Henegan) June 2, 2020

Dr Dettol and Mr Hide https://t.co/iaZwajrAFR

— Jo Lake 📚 (@Joanne_Lake) June 2, 2020

Nothing like spending an hour in a queue with people saying "this is utterly ridiculous" and "what a waste of time" and then watching them vote for it. #ParliamentFarce

— Jess Phillips MP (@jessphillips) June 2, 2020

To be fair, that's only because everyone was in the park. https://t.co/qicVOl1v3W

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) June 2, 2020

Saw an absolute bellend giving shit to a Tesco guy because of queue length. When he turned round after his tantrum, his t shirt said YOU GOT THIS and his sole purchase was a carton of Ribena.

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) June 3, 2020

Cotter makes the podium again with another slice of canine lockdown gold 👇🏻👏🏻👇🏻@MrAndrewCotter pic.twitter.com/U2OvPDXSgx

— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) June 1, 2020

Been there… https://t.co/bm8TvgCMzv

— Simon McCoy (@SimonMcCoyTV) June 3, 2020

Surprised to hear myself mutter ‘good luck guys’ as I shut the plates into the dishwasher, and I now think I might do that every time without really registering.

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) June 4, 2020

I don't know anything, but I do know that everything is interesting if you go into it deeply enough. RICHARD FEYNMAN

— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) June 4, 2020

How to know when something won’t be fun:

– Someone will say “come on, it’ll be fun”

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) June 4, 2020

Sorry to retweet this for lots of reasons- but “more wayward drives than Dominic Cummings” is epic copywriting. 👏👏👏 https://t.co/QKftTUKbe9

— Martin Saunders (@martinsaunders) June 5, 2020

Was this a waste of 5 hours?? Let me know 😅 Also can’t believe @jk_rowling retweeted this video 🤪🤪🤪 Thank you guys for sharing! @acousticjason #harrypotter #music pic.twitter.com/jcDAmcm5lQ

— Kurt Schneider (@KurtHSchneider) June 5, 2020

Sometimes when I’m replying on twitter, I lock myself in the bathroom…I’m on my own with my kids…during my last post, 6 year old pushed this under the door. So please forgive me if I don’t reply. It’s the Khorsandi girl’s’ Birthday Weekend 🎂 pic.twitter.com/piz3MKKCrm

— Shaparak Khorsandi شاپرک خرسندی (@ShappiKhorsandi) June 6, 2020

Norfolk right now.. pic.twitter.com/iK7VRf7pWG

— Jake Humphrey (@mrjakehumphrey) June 6, 2020

Of all the things I've done, it's talking about a bird that sounds like "Barbie Girl" that goes national 🤣 Thanks @gregjames for playing… pic.twitter.com/Mpa48JaW4W

— James Thomas (@JThomas0) June 4, 2020

Titanic (1997)

Scientist: Where’s the diamond?
Old lady: *three hour long story about how she lost her virginity*

— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) May 25, 2020